Man in the Mirror.

I'm alive. If that's what you would like to call this. No I'm not dead yet. But for some reason, I can't see my reflection in the mirror anymore. I keep searching for it, and I guess out of frustration has driven me to what I like to refer to as "insanity".

This isn't who I came here as, and this isn't any variation of who I've worked so hard to be. It feels as though everything inside me is, quite honestly, dead. I can't even tell my own girlfriend how wonderful she is and that she will do great in everything she does. Who is this? I try so hard to escape my thoughts and my anger during the day, and by the night falls I find myself staying up half the night thinking. About what? That's just it, I can't figure out what I'm thinking about.

Sometimes I wake up wondering why I even woke up. The only thing that keeps my going is the feeling of belonging in my fraternity. I'm in a bitter mood five out of the seven days, get angry everyday and come to the verge of tears every night. I'm slowly losing it. With every step forward, I'm burning the path behind me.

I look at my friends, that are long gone. The friends that I used to call my best friends, well, I can't really tell you how they are. Truthfully, I haven't heard from them in months. The ones I do have here with me have stayed loyal, for the most part. In a world of knowing so many, I've never felt so alone. I've found that it is extremely difficult to find a person now a days that is willing to just have a conversation with you in person. About nothing in particular. Just some interaction, a nice conversation to get your thoughts out and mind off of things. I guess that's what happens when your girlfriend lives three hours away and society is dependent on cell phones.

The only thing I can hope for is that tomorrow will be a better day. And usually it is, to most. But for some reason it gets worse and worse in my eyes. I can honestly, without a doubt say that my heart has never hurt so badly, and my soul has never felt so weak. The funny part, she's still here. How long she decides to stick with this fool is up in the clouds.

What will tomorrow bring? Happiness? Hardship? Anger? Depression? As I fall asleep tonight, I will wish that when I awake and look in the mirror, I will see myself. Instead of nothing, and being disgusted.