Turkey Day Can Burn in HELL.

Going back home was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. Mainly because I knew I wasn't going to see her. And through all the shit she has said to me, and all the shit everyone has said to me and done to me, I still miss her so much.

My sister asked me today if i was feeling better. To be honest, i'm feeling worse. As each day goes by i can feel my body getting weaker and weaker. It's not even heart break anymore. There's got to be something else wrong. Cause i literally feel physical pain within me. And it's getting harder and harder for me to concentrate on things. I'm going to be going to the doctor in about three weeks, after my parents leave and i go back home. We'll see what happens.

I've started to make myself go through pain. I make myself listen to a song that i know is going to rip me apart over, and over, and over again. (Dumbledore's Farewell by Nicholas Hooper). I make myself look at her pictures just so it will remind me of all the crap i've done. I make myself remember the memories. And to be honest, i do most of this just so i can feel anything. Happiness seems like something that happened so long ago, and i can't even remember the last time i smiled just because, or better yet, had a real smile.

A girl asked me the other day if i was gay. Obviously i said no. Usually i don't question when people ask me that because there are a lot of people that think that. However, this specific person and i had just now become friends, so i wanted to know what made her think i was gay. She said that was the only logical explanation for a guy looking like me to not have a girl. I explained to her that my "girl" had just broken up with me a few weeks ago. What she said to that, well, i'm not going to say in public. Hint: it was the funniest thing i've heard in a LONG time.

Founders day/Snowball is next weekend. Guess who doesn't have a date still. Fail.