Home.

They were all right, you know. We all moved on with our lives. What everyone said about us, well, it's true. We all got through one semester staying together, but now look at us. We're all separated. But this is reality. We grew up.

I've been thinking about this for a bit now. I've been wondering if i want to go to the high school this week. And the answer is, no. I really don't. Mainly because i'm out of that stage now. Like i said, i grew up. Missouri State is my home now. Every time i come back here, i can't wait to leave again. I out grew this town, this place. Everything. This isn't where i want to be anymore.

And it is sad. But we all go through it. We all go to our own worlds where we live our own lives. We meet new people to fill those worlds. And soon enough, that's all you know. Now i'm not saying that i've completely dropped or lost contact with all of my old friends. No, i still talk to a few. But that's just it. A few. I remember this time last year making promises with everyone saying we would always stay in touch, no matter what. It obviously didn't happen.

I guess it's kind of bitter sweet. I lost a lot. But i gained more. College and high school are totally different worlds. Two worlds that will forever be separated. And the sooner i can get back to my home, the better. I don't belong here anymore. I truly don't.

Song of the day:

300 Violin Orchestra by Jorge Quintero

GAH!

My brain is ready to explode.

This stress and studying is taking its toll.

I hate the fact that i can't find time to talk to the people that mean the world to me. I'm so sorry.

I'm going to figure all of this out. I will. Promise.

Song of the day:

The Cave by Mumford & Sons

Indeed.

So i'm sitting here in the library, and instead of studying i took a break to post a blog.

My life is absolutely glorious. I really was missing out on college before! It's really weird, because most of my posts now are really optimistic and happy. It's definitely a change. A change i'm happy i went through.

First shadow tour for UA was a success! Except there was one girl that kept hitting on me. Talk about uncomfortable.

Is it sad that the biggest thing i'm looking forward to for spring break is doing NOTHING and SLEEPING?! But i must say, i love being busy. It really does make me happy.

Remember, a life where you aren't happy is a life you're not living. It is a life you're letting someone else live for you. Be happy. Be who you are. Embrace everything that you are. And people that respect that and accept that will follow. Trust me.

Song of the day:

Power by Kanye West

Hello Paradise

Say hello to the new Resident Assistant for Hutchens House during the 2011-2012 school year! AH!!!! I'm so excited for it! I thought that finding out about RA wouldn't be so exciting because i kind of already knew i got it i just didn't know where, but man, today has been a RUSH! Granted i've been pretty busy all day, but i've already met some new people from the current Hutchens staff, and it's only been one day! I'm pretty excited because Hutchens is one of the nicest dorms on campus. AH!

I joined Pi Kappa Phi fraternity, became a Commerce Bank Emerging Leaders participant, got elected onto the number four position on executive board for Pi Kappa Phi, got selected from 90+ applicants to become a University Ambassador, and finally have been chosen to be an RA in Hutchens. Yup, i'd call that one HELL of a freshman year. Gosh, i cannot believe it. I did it. Everything my heart and mind were set on, i got it. My dreams, my goals. I still can't believe that me of all people, came to this university and made a name for myself. I'm known on a 20,000+ student campus. It feels amazing.

On the flip side, my social life is also flourishing! I don't mean i'm going out all the time or anything. By that i mean i'm meeting so many new people and actually creating a connection between us. For instance, i'm getting so much closer to Shelby now. We've been friends for awhile, but we've actually been talking a lot and even studied together today. It was so much fun hanging out with her and some of my brothers. And the funny thing is, when i'm with her, i don't feel an attraction towards her. I love being her friend. Which is a good thing because she's with one of my brothers. haha. But those are the kind of bonds i want to have with people. I honestly, never want to graduate.

Of course there will always be a love life side. Right now, it's not much. I'm not really focusing on that. I find girls cute, but that's about it. Again, i'm more concerned with creating a solid friendship with them than getting with them for now. There is one girl i have found to be ridiculously cute. Her eyes are just, OH MY GOD! She's a current RA in Hutchens and she found me to congratulate me and welcome me to the staff. And to top it off, she's an ASA :D (Alpha Sigma Alpha).

Midterms are kicking my ass right now. It's so hard to focus on school when all of this is going on. But i really need to buckle down this one week and get through it. I can do it. I know i can. I just have to actually put in the effort.

Thank you, for believing in me. STILL. I know i say this to you in every post. But the more you believe in me and the more you tell me how much you love me, the more i'm believing in myself. Having you supporting me means the world to me. Truly. You told me the other day that you are really glad you got your friend back. I'm glad i came back too. Things weren't the same. I want you to know, that i still, and always will care about you. And i'm going to look out for you. I know we aren't talking as much as the past couple of weeks, but i promise things will slow down and i'll be back. I don't think i could've done all of this if you didn't push me along.

Song of the day:

Blow by Ke$ha (yeah, i just went there)

Life. Is. Good.

University Ambassador Retreat yesterday was AWESOME! I absolutely loved it. Meeting all the new and current UA's was so much fun. I got to learn all about the new stuff that's going to be happening here at MSU before anyone else knows about it and i got to learn about some of the history behind the university. All in all it was a great experience. And of course my big A is none other than Matt!

I go on my first shadow tour this wednesday. I'm pretty pumped for it!

But before wednesday comes tuesday. Which is tomorrow. You know what that means? I find out about RA tomorrow! Should be interesting to see what happens with that.

Life is really good right now. I got to go to Steak n Shake with Shelby saturday night/sunday morning and we just sat and talked about everything. It was nice to talk to finally get some bonding time with my mommy. Haha.

There really isn't much to complain about. I mean, yeah i'm kinda stressed out with classes and tests and what not, but that's a given. I can honestly say, finally, that i am happy. I am happy with everything! My life really did turn out pretty well after all. I'm on the right track, with the right friends, at the right college, and with the right families.

I say "families" because i don't just have one anymore. I have my parents and my sister and my "real" family. But then i have my family here. Which of course includes my friends, but it more so includes the close knit family of the Greeks. I have my brothers and all of my sorority girls. It's funny how that family stuff works. Technically, i have my own fraternity brothers, but i also have an uncle, an aunt, a dad, a mommy, and a bunch of cousins. I absolutely love it.

Run for homecoming king next year? I don't know. I'm still pondering on that thought. We shall see.

I haven't been able to take in the REAL college life until now. This semester. I'm finally able to do everything i want to do. I'm finally able to experience everything. Being single isn't so bad. :)

I mean yeah, i want to be able to share all of this with someone. But i'm not in a rush. I'm looking, but not searching. If someone comes into my life, awesome. But if they don't, for now, i'm okay with that. Because i have my family here, and i have some pretty awesome people back home that are here for me too.

A part of me wants to just show you what i'm capable of doing. Show you that you were holding me back. Being with someone should enable you to achieve things you never could on your own. You just kept me from doing anything. You didn't even believe in my dreams. Now look at me. Do you see anything? I'm happy! I'm genuinely HAPPY! And i'm doing so much. Without you. Without having you. Now i can't thank you enough for letting me go. Because i am going to do great things, with no help from you. Have fun being alone and having your mom as your only friend. :)

Song of the day:

Hear Me Now by Hollywood Undead

BOOSH.

Say hello to the champions! That's right, MSU won the 2011 MVC Championship. Now we just have to win out the tournament this weekend!

That game was SICK. Our arena was sold out Thursday morning for today's game. It was PACKED. I'm pretty sure i'm losing my voice because of it but it is totally worth it!

Tomorrow is UA retreat! I'm so pumped!

Yesterday i got to hang out with matt at the house and see everyone. It was nice. We watched House of Wax. Purrrrty scary.

The flirtatious monster is back :).

I find out about RA this week! AHHHHHH.

Honestly, there's not much to say right now. haha. HOLLYWOOD UNDEAD released yet another track on their new album! I'm so angry that they kicked Deuce out. But the new guy, Danny, isn't too bad. I just wish they didn't kick the guy that created the whole thing out. Plus he was AWESOME.

Song of the day:

Been To Hell by Hollywood Undead

So Phresh

Good things happen to those who wait. Living proof.

Karma's getting to you, dear. Sorry to say it, but it is. How does it feel? How does it feel watching your little perfect world that you are so caught up in come crashing down? As you go through all of this, alone, i hope you think about what could have been. Just like i had for so long. Sure, you could say the same to me. I'm going through a lot right now, and i guess you could say i'm alone. But in a way, i'm not.

Thank you. That is all i can say to you. I don't deserve you being nice to me. You wonder on and on why i'm so nice. I told you, i changed. A lot. But i guess a part of me wants to show you who i really am. Compared to the guy that you always saw. I have no doubt in my mind that you cared about me. Or that you still do. It's funny, because you give me more support now than she ever did. You believe in my own dreams more than she ever did. Hell, sometimes you believe in them more than i do. You'll get through this funk you've been dealing with. Trust me, things get better as you get older. Good things happen to those who wait. Remember, you told me that.

UA retreat is this Sunday! That means all day i get to train on how to be a University Ambassador. My first tour should be soon. I'm so flippin excited! I find out about RA in six days!

Yellowcards new song is out. :) I LOVE THEM! Everyone should go to YouTube or iTunes or whatever and listen to it!

What i love about MSU: My family here will always be behind me. No matter what. The community here is absolutely mind blowing. :)

Song of the day:

Hang You Up by Yellowcard