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I need to start writing again. Blogging is what used to keep me sane. I guess now there's not much to keep me there. I've been really weird lately. I'm not exactly sure why though.

Quick recap of the things that have gone on in my life:

I was the third place Greek God of all fraternity men. Boom.
SOAR this summer has been absolutely amazing! I can't think of a better job for me than this. I get to do what I love all day every day. And it truly is the best experience, plus I get to meet the best incoming students!
With me being away from home, however, it drove me and my girlfriend apart and we ended up breaking up. I broke up with her, and it was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. We still talk almost everyday, so it's not too bad.

This is it for now though, cause I really need to go to bed since I work tomorrow. Fail. Night world!

Lets Get To It!

I bet you want to know how life is going lately. Well, it's been going pretty well. I'm in love with my life. And i don't see that changing anytime soon.

Greek week is finally over. It was an absolute blast. This was hands down the best pairing ever. I fell in love with Alpha Chi Omega and the men of Phi Delt have been the shit. We got screwed over for a lot of things, but everyone knows that we had by far the best chemistry. Greek jam was SO legit. Yet again, we got screwed hardcore by the judges, but the ENTIRE greek community knows that we should have at very least placed.

Being Greek God for Pi Kapp has been the best experience i've yet to have in college. I got to meet so many people, and now i go around campus and people stop me and tell me how much they loved me at the pageant. It's kind of surreal. I love everything about it though.

And then you have this girl. The girl that finally admitted that she liked me last night. The girl that has had me going since last semester. She's amazing. She's sassy.

Song of the day:

Glad You Came by The Wanted

I Left Something Out

I'm really sorry that I haven't really been keeping up with this. To be completely honest, i think the biggest reason i haven't been is because i don't think anyone really reads it anymore. I originally made this blog so that my friends could know about my life and stay up to date even if i was a bad friend that couldn't always be there for them and be open for them. It hurts me each and every day thinking about all the friends i once had, and the relationships i once had. And how i am the one that ruined them. I haven't really been available for anyone. People try to contact me all the time, and find out how i'm doing. But sometimes it's just so hard to find time. As bad as it sounds, i just can't fit everything into a day. I don't want to just send a few texts and be done, i want to actually have a full conversation with everyone. But i don't have the time to do that. I've been working on getting better at that though.

Maybe one day i'll be able to juggle everything and be involved in everyone's lives. And here's the thing, i don't hold this against anyone. Because this is my fault. I'm the one that isn't such a good friend. It'll get better. Slowly, but surely.

 For the few people that may or may not look at this, here's what's going on. Recruitment is finally over for Pi Kapp. I had one of the most successful recruitments of all time. And it lifted so much weight off of my shoulders. I love living in the house now, but sometimes i do miss being an RA. I knew this would happen. I am representing Pi Kapp for Greek God this semester. It's already proven to be quite the challenge. I've had so much to do between classes, recruitment, giving tours, meetings, greek jam practice, and now putting everything together to be Greek God. And to top it all off, i just found out today that i will be getting auctioned off to sorority girls next week for a date. That could either be really cool, or a huge downer. We shall see how it goes.

 I'm excited for the rest of this semester. However at the same time, i'm really nervous for it. I just don't know what it all entails. This could be the semester of all semesters. I think it will be.

 Oh and my birthday is in less than a week. Boom.

 Song of the day: I Can Barely Say by The Fray

2012

Happy New Year! I really wanted to post this before midnight came along so it would be on the first and not the second. Any who, a quick update on what's been going on i guess.

I've been keeping myself busy for the most part lately. Hanging out with some people here and there, and a lot of going out with my parents. They wanted to buy all new couches for the living room and the basement. So we've been going around looking at different stores to see if they find anything that they like. Well, we finally found some from Ashley Furniture (about damn time) for both areas. Honestly didn't think my parents were going to spend as much money as they did on furniture. But they look legit!

New years eve was AMAZING! That was probably the best one yet. I got to bring it in with some amazing people that i call my family. Needless to say, we did it right. We had so much fun, and even more that we can't remember. I got my midnight kiss from an unexpected girl, but it's okay because it was totally awesome. And now i have one week before i get to go back!

So now for this week, i have to figure out what all i'm taking down to the house and go buy some stuff as well. And on top of that, try to make some room and see some people that i haven't seen yet over break. I think i'm going to make a trip up to the high school at one point this week. We shall see. I most likely will. I'm so excited to leave. About. Damn. Time.

I have a lot of high hopes for this new year. 2011 was okay and all, not the best, but not the worst. I really really really think 2012 is going to be a year to remember. And it's going to be the year that i truly find out what i'm made of and for my dreams to come true. Plus, there may or may not be a certain lady i'm becoming interested in, and starting out the year with a lady friend wouldn't be half bad! I'm going to do a lot and accomplish a lot in this year. Just you wait and see!

Song of the day:

Man in the Hat by Mac Miller

Made IT.

Alright, let me start out by saying i know i broke my promise. To be honest, there just hasn't been much going on lately to write about. Being home is just, boring. I don't know how some of these people do it. I don't know how they stay here for college. I don't know how they come home as much as they do. I just don't get it. It makes absolutely no sense to me. I'm pretty sure i would end up killing myself if i had to stay here for college or go even close to here. There's just NOTHING here at home. Absolutely nothing.

That's one of the biggest things i've come to realize this break. I have nothing here for me anymore. I honestly don't know why i come home other than to see my parents and just be in this house. And to be completely honest, i only need a day or two for that. There's nothing here for me. Never will be. There's no one left here for me either. I just don't belong here.

I guess i always kind of knew that. I just didn't want to admit it. But with everything that has been happening in my life lately, i just grew up. I grew up a lot. And with growing up, i let go. I let go of so much this semester. It's been an ongoing thing, but i think this semester i finally actually let go. I let go of my "hometown", of my high school, of my high school friends, of everything i was back then.

I'm no where near the person i was back then. I find myself seeing people from high school or talking to them via text/phone call, and i have nothing to say to them. My life is just so different and the person i am now is different. No one that knew me then really knows me now.

In a way, i really like that. I found myself. I found my purpose, and my passion. I found the person i was meant to be. I found what i am capable of, and what i'm not. In its simplest form, I GREW UP. It's scary. It really is. But i kind of really like that too.

 I guess what i'm trying to say is, my goal for college is actually coming together a lot sooner than i thought. I can look into the mirror and be proud of the person i am. To sum it all up, I made something of myself. A person that people want to be, and a person that's known. A person that i'm so incredibly proud to be.

Song of the day:

Fear by OneRepublic

Well Damn

I'm sitting here in the library. I have been for about two hours now. And the only thing i've accomplished is finding two sources for my ten page paper due in less than a week. And on top of that, i have a geology test that i have in less than a week as well. Actually, the test and paper are due on the same day. I hate everything. And the thing is, youtube distracts the HELL out of me. I watch one video, which just makes me want to watch another one, and so on and so forth. It kind of sucks. A lot. So i guess i was officially dating a girl. For a week and a half. It obviously ended. She was crazy. But not THAT crazy. Any who, it was a nice change of pace from the usual. I am officially the recruitment chair for pi kapp. Which is pretty neat. I will be quitting my job as an RA to pursue recruitment. One door closes, another opens. Go me. I will also be CONSIDERING to go out and represent Pi Kapp for Greek God during Greek Week this upcoming semester. We shall see how my mind sets on that one. Any who, other than that everythings been hell. It is definitely a week from hell and i'm just taking it a minute at a time. GAH. Song of the day: If I Ain't Got You by Jay Sean

Looks

So today i went and got a haircut. I kind of needed one, but it was mainly cause i wanted it to be shorter. Anyway, i tried a new outfit out today as well after i got my haircut. Here's the thing, most of you know that i don't see myself the same way other see me. I honestly don't find myself to be attractive or cute or anything like that. But today i looked in the mirror, and damn; I looked fucking good. It was weird. Like everything just flowed and it all pieced together. So overall, it was a good day. I've figured out that if you look good, you'll feel good. And if you feel good, you'll make sure you have a good day and nothing brings you down. That's exactly what i did. Hopefully i have more of these "awesome cute/good looking days" in the near future. I could use them! Song of the day: Happiness by The Fray

Here We Go

I need to start writing again. It's just so hard to do it when i have so much other crap going on in my life. But i guess i need to make time for it. Writing was something that kept me sane. It was something that kept me going, and for the most part, made me look at the brighter side of things. It brought out the inner emotions, and lets face it, it's what made me me. Some days i wonder where it all went, why i just stopped all of a sudden. I think it had to do with the fact that deep down inside, i knew i wasn't good. I also knew that it was going to get me nowhere. But recently i've realized that maybe it has nothing to do with the fact that i'm bad, or that it's going to get me nowhere. Because i always wrote for me. I never wrote for the sake of one day getting published or so that people would tell me how good i was. It was all because i needed to get some emotions out. So that is what sparked this whole revamping of my writing.

Something else the world should probably know. This new girl has got me wrapped around her finger. And i'm cool with that. Kind of. I guess we're kind of dating now. Maybe. I'm not exactly sure. It's complicated.

Song of the day:

Are We All Forgotten by Paper Route

Listen Up Missy

This post is just for you missy. And you know exactly who you are. (i feel like we're little kids bickering at each other every time we do this through posts haha)

Any who, just so you know, i don't sleep around. I promise. I haven't been with anyone in a long time. If you're hearing stories than they're stories. Do i hook up with them? Yeah, probably. But not sex. And yes i do remember their names, ya butt.

ANNNNNNNNND. I actually don't drink that much anymore! I know, shocker. Mainly because since i'm an RA now i have to be mister responsible for my building. And on top of that i want to be president of my fraternity next week which would mean absolutely no drinking. Sad day. But i miss you. A lot. It sucks that we don't/can't talk anymore. But i love the random texts you'll send me on holidays haha. And i am still the new/old me. If anything, i'm a better version of that since i don't drink as much and all that jazz. A lot has actually happened this semester that i have to tell you about, but it's not the easiest thing to do since our communication is really spotty. But i'm sure at one point or another we can talk about all of it.

I miss you a shit ton!

Song of the day:

Young, Wild, and Free by Snoop Dogg ft. Wiz Khalifa and Bruno Mars

Holy Shit

So here's the thing. I didn't know running for president was going to be this stressful. Everyday, from the moment i wake up from the moment i go to sleep, that's all i can think about. Every conversation i have with anyone leads to my running for president cause they either want to know how it's going or what my plans are. But the hardest part is hearing about the other candidate campaigning like a mother fucker. Which scares the hell out of me. But that's not even the worst part. The worst part is that i still have to do my everyday stuff. Like i still have to do all of my RA business, every single day, I still have to go to Distinction in Public Affairs tomorrow for two hours, and to top it all off, i made it to the second round for becoming a SOAR leader this summer and my interview is on tuesday. Like running for president isn't enough pressure, i have all of this other added pressure and then people getting on to me about stepping up my game for campaigning and then semi-formal season is here and i got asked to two sorority semi-formals but i can't go to either of them cause i have other stuff going on that same night. AND my semi formal is in 3 weeks. Guess who doesn't have a date? THIS GUY. FML.

Song of the day:

Perpetuum Mobile by Penguin Cafe Orchestra

Don't Know Where You're Going

There's something about happiness that is magical. I'm beyond tired. Beyond drowsy. Beyond sick. And beyond just drained. But at the end of the day, I can always go to sleep happy. That's been the one thing that's been keeping me going. I can't tell you the last time i got a full nights sleep, or the last time i wasn't sick, or the last time i had more than one meal in a day. But i can tell you the last time i smiled, the last time i felt on top of the world. That's all it takes i guess. Everything will just fall into place. It always has, and it always will. Just don't force it. Be who you want to be and be whatever makes you happy.

Song of the day:

Ass Back Home by Gym Class Heroes ft. Neon Hitch

That One Girl

Tonight, i had a random girl that i have never seen before in my life come up to me and tell me something. It seemed like this girl knew me better than most people that i call my friends. As creepy as it sounds, and trust me it was pretty damn creepy, she just started telling me stuff about myself. she started saying how i'm the type of guy a girl wants, but will never like. She told me that every girl WANTS to like me, but they never can because of the way i am. I didn't get it, so i told her to explain it. She proceeded to tell me that it wasn't my fault at all, and that there was nothing i could actually do about it. She said that girls just "fawn" over me. Now at this point i had no idea what fawn meant, so she told me, and then it made sense. She said that she bets that i have never striked out before, which is true. She said that i could have a booty call ready in a text with less than three words. She was right. I asked her how she knew all of this about me. She told me that it wasn't hard to figure out. People talk. She said that being a sorority girl has its perks, one of them being that you figure out which one the guy to go after is, why he's the guy to go after, and then you figure out why he's still single. Again, she was right. There's a huge reason why i'm single. I have booty calls, i made out with three girls this past weekend; in one night. It's tuesday and i had the opportunity to go home with someone. I'm a hoe. But i can't stop. Everyone else has stable relationships and stable girls. I can't have that. So instead of just being lonely and finding someone, i go from girl to girl; just so i don't have to be lonely. I guess the whole point of this story is that i've changed so much. Everything she said made me think about high school, and then it made me think of halloween, two years ago. I don't think i've ever had a more perfect halloween yet. I miss that stability.

Song of the day:

I'm On One by DJ Khaled

Ps: i'm really surprised i just wrote all of that out with minimal mistakes. You can take a guess why...stay classy.

Rolling On

Yet another quick post.

I've come to realize what all I can actually accomplish if i really try. I'm sitting at a 3.6 GPA for the semester. I can't believe it. My goal was a 3.0. I'm so excited about it.

Elections are getting closer and closer. And i want to be president more than ever now. Things are looking real good for it too. God, i can't wait.

Now that homecomings over, talks about Pi Kapp's new homecoming king candidate for next year have been rising. The name that's being said the most? Yup, mine. Funny thing is, i actually have a really good chance at getting it too.

This is all what i came here for. I wanted to make a name for myself and be known. I wanted to be remembered. I'll be damned if i'm not.

Song of the day:

Marvin Gaye and Chardonnay by Big Sean

Hold it up

I just want to blog this really quick because i'm hella tired from the first night of our haunted house and i just wanted to document this feeling for the future when i'm on my ass.

I live a very blessed life. And i take it for granted SO much. I have anything and everything a college student could ever want. I go to a large university and i am KNOWN. I can get into any club/group/organization/job i want on campus or in this community. This isn't me being cocky or anything. Just appreciating everything i've been given. I'm a student leader, and i have a damn well perfect life. Now that's something i don't ever want to give up or forget.

Song of the day:

Heartbeat by The Fray

Baby, Break Away

Everytime i come i get two thoughts.

1. I need to get away from here for good and never look back.

2. This is where i want to come back to when i get older and raise my kids here.

Now i know that these are polar opposites. But hear me out. Sometimes i just feel like i need to get the hell out of here. I just need to leave this place, realize that there is more to this world and move on with my life. I just want to get away. Not have to ever come back here and see these people ever again. Cause let's face it, if you've ever been to Jefferson county, you'll know exactly what i'm talking about. It is TURRRRABLE.

But then i go out and see people with families that know one another since their childhood. They all came back to raise their kids here and start a family here. I would get to be with my friends again. Our kids would grow up together knowing each other, being kind of like a family. I'd be in the town i basically grew up in too. These are the thoughts that run through my head. As much as i hate being from Jeffco, i've come to realize that your town shapes who you are. It's where you come from. It's where you go, and it's the place that will forever be with you.

In other news, spring break = trip to Boston? Perhaps! :D

Song of the day:

No Harm by The Boxer Rebellion

Here's The Thing

I'm not exactly sure what to write about. I guess for so long i would blog all the time so i would always have a new story to tell or something to progress on. Now, i blog once or twice a month and i just don't know what i should say.

This is all my fault. I don't take time out of my day to just sit down and write like i used to. I guess that's something i can write about; change. Granted that is something that i write about all the flippin' time, it's something that has been on my mind lately.

I saw someone's status not too long ago that said something like, "Seeing people change isn't what hurts, it's remembering who they used to be that does." I could careless how this relates to people in my life. The first thing that i thought about was how this statement exemplifies me and my life. If i was on the outside looking in, would i hurt just by remembering what i used to be? Do i hurt, just being me, remembering what i used to be?

I'm not sure at all on how i would answer those questions if i had to answer them. I guess the only reason i don't have to answer them is because i'm scared to know how i would answer. Let's be honest here, everyone loves change. It's not until change happens that we begin to think about the past and start to hate change. Since it's me, i obviously think i changed for the better. Did i? What if it's all a matter of perspective, but it's only my perspective that's wrong.

I wonder if anyone even reads this stupid thing anymore. What am i thinking. I never had "writing ability." Just people being nice. Time to face the truth. It is what it is.

Going home for fall break. Probably gonna go to the homecoming game. Anyone gonna be there? Figured. Not likely.

Song of the day:

Asleep by Emily Browning

Burned Out

I do too much. I've come to this conclusion. All on my lonesome. I just do way too much. And there's nothing that i can do about it. Because it is who i am.

I can't keep this up very much longer. It's starting to catch up to me. Getting involved is what i do best. It's the only thing i know how to do, and quite frankly, it's the only thing i'm good at. But i can't keep doing this to myself. I'm drained all the time. Is it worth it? Hell yeah. But it's still too much.

And even with this realization, i've got big plans. I'm almost sure i'll be running for president of Pi Kappa Phi, which is a HUGE deal. That would be my biggest feat in my life. I'm also going out for SOAR which is the summer orientation dealio. I just got accepted into and have already started the Distinction in Public Affairs program. And i am in the process of applying for Greek Week committee for this spring. Yup, i get way too involved, but this is only the beginning. I'm only a sophomore. Can i really keep this up?

I'm only a sophomore. I'm only a sophomore. I'm only a sophomore. I keep saying this, and it sinks in more and more. I'm so young. And i have such high hopes. This can't keep happening.

Song of the day:

Souvenirs by Switchfoot

For the Record

It took me quite a bit of time to figure out where i wanted to sit in order to write this blog. Yeah, i'm that flustered.

It's been a rough weekend and day so far. I'm just, tired. Physically, mentally, and metaphorically. I have no motivation to do anything.

I started thinking a lot about my life, mainly the getting involved aspect. All i could think about was all of it being a waste. Let's face it, i'm only doing all of this to make a name for myself. To leave something behind greater than myself. To be somebody. But what if it's all just a big hyped dream. What if this is getting me no where. Because to be honest, i feel that way a lot.

I'm scared that my goals just won't be achieved. I know so many people, and even more know me. But it's just not enough. I want more. I want it all. I want to be able to look myself in the eye and know, that i am everything that i ever imagined myself being.

My plans seem to be impossible. I don't see them happening, at all. I can see my career plans happening, but not my personal plans.

Being an RA is one of the best things that has ever happened to me. But at the same time, it's holding me back from everything i want to be. And i know, as long as i'm an RA, i will never be able to accomplish the things i want to, and need to.

Lauren is absolutely just, GAH. I'm not falling for her head over heels. Which is a good thing since i tend to do that. But i still have feelings for her. I'm attracted to her. And she's just what i need right now. But she's being so damn difficult. Can you blame her though?

Watching Mike lavaliere Sam tonight just made me break down inside. The amount of love those two have for one another is just astounding.I want something like that. I want to love a girl so much that i am giving her my letters. As stupid as it may sound, that's a huge deal. I want to meet the girl that will make me want to change. The girl that will make me want to stick around for her. The girl that will make me want to be everything that i want to be.

If you couldn't tell, an attack is coming on. I'd say by Wednesday or Thursday (at the very latest) it will be in full swing. Gotta love it. Here's to preparation for a week or two from hell.

Song of the day:

Stereo Hearts by Gym Class Heroes

Guess

Who just applied for a distinction in public affairs?! This guy! What the hell am i doing?!?!

I keep doing all this stuff, and i have no idea why. I just am. There's no rhyme or reason behind it. But hey, i guess it'll be beneficial?

My life choices are beyond questionable at this point.

I keep doing things that i know i shouldn't, yet it's what makes me happy. Is that too much to ask for? Like for real? Is a job really that important to where you shouldn't do what makes you happy instead? Maybe i did sign my soul away.

What am i doing with my life. FUCK.

Song of the day:

Los Federales by Signal Hill

AH Fuck.

I've been thinking a lot lately. One thing i've been thinking about is how i want to go see her perform. As much as i dislike her, i'm still proud of her. And part of me misses when that was my time. Everything just seems harder now. I guess because instead of high school being your life, the real world is your life now. And by god, real world life is a bitch.

Song of the day:

I Think I'm Paranoid by Garbage