Life. Is. Good.

University Ambassador Retreat yesterday was AWESOME! I absolutely loved it. Meeting all the new and current UA's was so much fun. I got to learn all about the new stuff that's going to be happening here at MSU before anyone else knows about it and i got to learn about some of the history behind the university. All in all it was a great experience. And of course my big A is none other than Matt!

I go on my first shadow tour this wednesday. I'm pretty pumped for it!

But before wednesday comes tuesday. Which is tomorrow. You know what that means? I find out about RA tomorrow! Should be interesting to see what happens with that.

Life is really good right now. I got to go to Steak n Shake with Shelby saturday night/sunday morning and we just sat and talked about everything. It was nice to talk to finally get some bonding time with my mommy. Haha.

There really isn't much to complain about. I mean, yeah i'm kinda stressed out with classes and tests and what not, but that's a given. I can honestly say, finally, that i am happy. I am happy with everything! My life really did turn out pretty well after all. I'm on the right track, with the right friends, at the right college, and with the right families.

I say "families" because i don't just have one anymore. I have my parents and my sister and my "real" family. But then i have my family here. Which of course includes my friends, but it more so includes the close knit family of the Greeks. I have my brothers and all of my sorority girls. It's funny how that family stuff works. Technically, i have my own fraternity brothers, but i also have an uncle, an aunt, a dad, a mommy, and a bunch of cousins. I absolutely love it.

Run for homecoming king next year? I don't know. I'm still pondering on that thought. We shall see.

I haven't been able to take in the REAL college life until now. This semester. I'm finally able to do everything i want to do. I'm finally able to experience everything. Being single isn't so bad. :)

I mean yeah, i want to be able to share all of this with someone. But i'm not in a rush. I'm looking, but not searching. If someone comes into my life, awesome. But if they don't, for now, i'm okay with that. Because i have my family here, and i have some pretty awesome people back home that are here for me too.

A part of me wants to just show you what i'm capable of doing. Show you that you were holding me back. Being with someone should enable you to achieve things you never could on your own. You just kept me from doing anything. You didn't even believe in my dreams. Now look at me. Do you see anything? I'm happy! I'm genuinely HAPPY! And i'm doing so much. Without you. Without having you. Now i can't thank you enough for letting me go. Because i am going to do great things, with no help from you. Have fun being alone and having your mom as your only friend. :)

Song of the day:

Hear Me Now by Hollywood Undead

BOOSH.

Say hello to the champions! That's right, MSU won the 2011 MVC Championship. Now we just have to win out the tournament this weekend!

That game was SICK. Our arena was sold out Thursday morning for today's game. It was PACKED. I'm pretty sure i'm losing my voice because of it but it is totally worth it!

Tomorrow is UA retreat! I'm so pumped!

Yesterday i got to hang out with matt at the house and see everyone. It was nice. We watched House of Wax. Purrrrty scary.

The flirtatious monster is back :).

I find out about RA this week! AHHHHHH.

Honestly, there's not much to say right now. haha. HOLLYWOOD UNDEAD released yet another track on their new album! I'm so angry that they kicked Deuce out. But the new guy, Danny, isn't too bad. I just wish they didn't kick the guy that created the whole thing out. Plus he was AWESOME.

Song of the day:

Been To Hell by Hollywood Undead

So Phresh

Good things happen to those who wait. Living proof.

Karma's getting to you, dear. Sorry to say it, but it is. How does it feel? How does it feel watching your little perfect world that you are so caught up in come crashing down? As you go through all of this, alone, i hope you think about what could have been. Just like i had for so long. Sure, you could say the same to me. I'm going through a lot right now, and i guess you could say i'm alone. But in a way, i'm not.

Thank you. That is all i can say to you. I don't deserve you being nice to me. You wonder on and on why i'm so nice. I told you, i changed. A lot. But i guess a part of me wants to show you who i really am. Compared to the guy that you always saw. I have no doubt in my mind that you cared about me. Or that you still do. It's funny, because you give me more support now than she ever did. You believe in my own dreams more than she ever did. Hell, sometimes you believe in them more than i do. You'll get through this funk you've been dealing with. Trust me, things get better as you get older. Good things happen to those who wait. Remember, you told me that.

UA retreat is this Sunday! That means all day i get to train on how to be a University Ambassador. My first tour should be soon. I'm so flippin excited! I find out about RA in six days!

Yellowcards new song is out. :) I LOVE THEM! Everyone should go to YouTube or iTunes or whatever and listen to it!

What i love about MSU: My family here will always be behind me. No matter what. The community here is absolutely mind blowing. :)

Song of the day:

Hang You Up by Yellowcard

Happiness is Alive

Say hello to the newest employee/member of Missouri State University Ambassadors! YUP! I got it! I am so excited. I cannot wait to get this going. This is exactly what i needed to keep my little streak of awesomeness going.

I still can't wrap it around my head. It's so crazy! I can't believe this is all happening to me!

This is just support for my last post. Hopefully, there will be more support to come. I'm feeling an all time high, and baby i love it!

I'm so glad i got to see you before i came back home! :) It truly made my day. The best thing is, you don't even know it. Yet. :)

I love my life right now. I truly do. I really hope this keeps going. I love this feeling of being loved and being surrounded by people i love.

Read it, and weep. This is what you let go of. This is what you getting out of my life has gotten me. I've found someone. Someone nothing like you.

Song of the day:

Written In The Stars by Tinie Tempah ft. Eric Turner

Proud of the Man in the Mirror.

I did so much for you. I did everything for you. After that, i didn't know how i was going to keep going without you. Without having anyone to work for. I couldn't imagine myself doing anything if it wasn't for you. I tried convincing myself that what i was doing was still for you. I lied. I lied to myself. Each and every day. I just went through my RA interviews and UA interviews. And guess what, when i was asked a question, the answers came from me. My heart. I did it because i wanted to. The last time i felt this so proud of myself was when i was one of the original 10 in Renaissance. The funny thing is, i haven't even been accepted into RA or UA. But i'm still PROUD of myself. Even if no one else is. Even my own sister is always yelling at me for one thing or another. I mean i guess i don't really expect anything else. I get good job's, good luck's, and well done's. But never, "I'm proud of you". Two people. Lately anyway. One is my big brother. Yup, from Pi Kapp. He told me he was proud of me when i got on exec and when i got Emerging Leaders. I'm sure he'll say it again if i get anything else. And the other was you. You know who you are. The person i never thought i'd be talking to right now. The person that i can now talk to whenever i want to and about anything i want to.

I'm proud of myself. For realizing who you really were. Who you really are. And you know what? Karma is a bitch. Things will come back to you. One way or another. Right now, or later. I hope it does. But i hope you don't have to feel what i felt. No one deserves to feel like that. I'm proud of myself for doing what i've done, for being able to get up every morning. For not letting anyone get in my way. For not letting anyone get under my skin. A kid i thought was like a brother to me told me i was better off dead. I hope karma gets you too. Because i'm here, doing great things. One day you, along with the rest of them, will see exactly what i'm capable of doing. And you, the one that tries to act all innocent to me. Don't worry, you're not fooling a soul. Your time will come too, dear.

I'm proud of who i am. Am i perfect? Not even close. Is it still a work in progress? Absolutely. But from where i was and where i've come, i couldn't ask for anything more. After this week, i see what i can do. I'm ready. I'm ready to be all i can be. And i've found people that are willing to accept that. That are willing to be with me through the good, the success, the glory, and the bad, the disappointment, and the anger. They aren't like you. They won't leave me with nothing when times get rough. They are TRUE. Call it bashing. Call it being a jerk or a douche. At least i can look myself in the mirror and be proud of what i see. At least i don't have to hide things about myself. I'm proud of myself, and the people in my life. I'm proud to have them there. I'm not embarrassed by them or feel better than them.

This message will in one way or another get to you. So listen up. When you accomplish everything that I have, with no support from your family, and everyone against you. When you beat the odds time and time again, call it luck. When you battle out that monster inside of you each day just to see the light. When you can walk around a UNIVERSITY and know 1 out of every 10 people that pass you. Then, you can tell me I'm better off dead.

Song of the day:

Hometown Glory by Adele

Acceptance. Followed By Happiness.

I like being happy. It's actually quite enjoyable.

It has come to my attention that your life has sucked ever since I left it. Good. You deserve it. I always thought you deserved better. And i always thought you were as good as it was ever going to get. It took me this long to figure out otherwise. THIS is how things should be. THIS is what you deserve. Actually, you deserve worse. But i'll accept this.

And it all started with one choice. Which led to another. Funny how that always happens. It's always one choice that can make it or break it. One choice almost made it to where i wouldn't have lived to see the age of 19. One choice took me out of this stupid darkness. One choice scared depression away. One choice made me happy.

Each day, i feel better and better. I feel happier and happier. I guess i have this to thank you for. You showed me that the sweetest of people can be the worst of humans. But guess what, it showed me that karma is a bitch. That in time, you can feel again. In time, your heart will race. In time, you'll realize that you the best it was ever going to get for her, and that there's better out there for you. And i've found it.

I get to see one of my cuties again tonight :) I got to see both of them yesterday. It was a good day. :D

Song of the day:

August's Rhapsody by Mark Mancina

Engagement On A Birthday.

Hello world. Happy Valentines day to all. Man, it feels great to be back. I feel it now. I really do. I feel like the old me. Not the old, old me. But a newer version of the old me. I feel good. Real good.

I am now 19 years old. WOOOOOOO. This time next year i will be in my twenties. I must say, celebrating my birthday was a BLAST. My brothers had a party Saturday night, and the second it was midnight, the whole house went insane. All i ever wanted was to feel loved. My brothers and my friends replaced that void. It was definitely a great night. A night i won't forget (or remember fully) for a long time.

I got engaged that night too! Not really, but i did propose to a girl and she said yes. Best part, i proposed using a spider ring! :) It was Abigail. I love that girl. She took care of me all night. She has a boyfriend, so it's not like i was making a move on her or anything. Now we have this ongoing thing of being engaged to each other and planning a wedding. It's all in fun.

I went through all of my RA interviews. What a relief! They all went fairly well. I hope anyway. I'll find out March 1st if i got it or not. So if you don't hear from me that day, you'll know why. UA interview is on Wednesday. I'm uber nervous for it. Yes, uber.

I'm not going to say i'm fully happy. Because i'm not. But i am getting there. :)

It's finally clear to me. It really isn't that i don't want to fall in love again. It's really that i just don't want to fall in love with you again. Thank god.

Burning bridges, taking names. That's how we do. That's how I do.

I get to see my cutie tonight :) YES YES YES.

Song of the day:

I Need A Doctor by Dr. Dre and Eminem feat. Skyler Grey