Hubert Cumberdale.

It's all piecing together now. But i still don't quite understand it. Why did you do what you did? I assume it was for revenge. But it still doesn't make sense. Deep down, were you doing it for me? Did you do it because deep down you maybe still care a little bit about me? Do i appreciate it? Absolutely. But i still think it's wrong. And the fact that i know and haven't said anything about it is killing me. Because i would want someone to tell me about this. It doesn't matter though. Because even if i did tell her the truth, she wouldn't believe me. Maybe that's why you let me find out. You knew that even if i did tell her that she wasn't going to believe i word i said. But maybe you want her to know. I don't know. It's all just a messy situation. And the funny part is, only you're going to know what i've been talking about.

The more and more i keep thinking about everything, the more and more i can't believe what i've done in just one semester in college. I'm living a freshman's dream. The only thing that sucks though is this. I've done so much my first semester, but now i how do i top that when say, i'm a senior. I mean even if i don't get RA or UA this year, the fact that i even have a shot at both of those is unbelievable. Is that to say no one has done it before? Absolutely not. But it's not everyday that a freshman gets these opportunities. But like i've been saying in my other posts, it's just so hard to appreciate it and take it for all of its glory when i have no one to share it with. Yes, i have my brothers behind me 100%, and i have my best friends that are the same way. But it just isn't the same. Having someone to actually share your life with and letting someone into your life is just a great experience. It's an experience that i miss so much.

My greatest downfall as a person has always been that the one person that i let into my life and into my heart was the one person i hurt the most. When i had someone like that, i talked to them all the time, i shared everything with them, so naturally, i took out my anger on them. Anytime i would get angry or frustrated i would take it out on that one person and no one else. I would act perfectly fine with everyone else. And to top it off, the smallest of things, the dumbest of things, would set me off. Guess what. The point of weaknesses is to work at them and make them a strength. That's exactly what i did. I don't get mad now. Yeah i get pissed every now and then if i get a bad grade or something. But that's just human nature. But the anger i always had inside of me is gone. And i love it. It's weird, because everything that she hated about me, i changed. Everything that drove her away, i changed. And she was right. They were things that needed to be changed. But obviously it's too little too late. I do thank her though, for showing me that i wasn't the best person in the world and showing me my mistakes.

The reason i'm posting basically everyday lately is because i've had A LOT on my mind. Therefore, i need to get it down into words.

Birthday in less then a month! Woo.

I want all of you readers to think about this for a couple of days: The correlation between friendship and love. Next post i'll explain why i want you guys to think about it. Kind of.

Song of the day:

All I Do Is Win by DJ Khaled