One Day, I'll Be Perfect.

So here's the deal. I'm home, and i'm watching this movie. Obviously it's an indian movie. I mean, that's what i do when i'm home.

Any who, it's all about a guy that jumps through hoops and goes through all of these obstacles, only so this girl that he really likes can be happy with someone else. And he knows the whole time that he's doing this for someone else's happiness. The whole time i couldn't help but think how relevant this is. I will say, i haven't done everything i could to make you happy. I am so sorry for that. But i knew from the very beginning i had no chance. And the further we got into everything, the more i realized we would be awesome for one another, but it would never happen. Because he makes you happier. Such is my life.

I've got so much thinking to do. To be honest, i'm hoping to get a text from you saying "I'm done thinking :)". But i know it's going to be more of the lines of "I'm done thinking......" And that's okay. Because like i told you, i'm bracing myself for it. I have this whole thing worked out in my mind, whether it actually happens or not. But after the whole Rachel thing, i've began to only think of the worst possible situation. Mainly because i don't....i CAN'T get my hopes up. Because in the end, you end up losing the most.



Song of the day:

Perfect by The Undeserving

EDIT:

I feel like i need to let you into my mind. Here it is:

Everything i feel about you is so REAL. And i know this, because i've had a life full of feelings that i thought were real, and i made myself believe that they were real. I told you before and i'll tell you again, you're the type of girl i don't need to "be with" to feel absolutely amazing. I can talk to you, lay around with you, hell, just SEE YOU and it makes my day so much better. I went through a relationship with Rachel where i tried to convince myself everything was real and that everything was perfect. I'm not even with you and i already feel like this is a more healthy relationship than hers. You said you don't want to go exclusive. I can't tell you how okay with that i am. I'm so effed up right now that that would be absolutely amazing. And you keep saying i've given up. That doesn't even begin to cover it. I'm no where close to giving up. I tell you that you're my sunshine. Why would i give up on that? Better yet, why would i try to convince you that i haven't given up if i have? Come on silly, look at it logically :P.

I just want everyone to know that i've been so happy this month. And nothing, NOTHING that happens, is going to change that. I want to show you what i can do for you, and that i can make you happy. All i want is a chance to do it. Boosh. That took way too much out of me. Time to go think some more. WOOO.