Looking back, it’s hard to prove what was real and what was not. It’s a toss up. I sat on a bench a few days ago and saw two birds soaring as if they were one. I couldn’t help but think that’s how life should be. What those birds had was real. They had no cares in the world. They ripped through the air like there was no tomorrow. Now don’t get me wrong, I love my life. But sometimes you can have the best friends a person could ask for, a supportive family and even a significant other that you love, yet you feel empty. Not necessarily your heart, but something inside of you is missing. I’m not quite sure what that missing factor is, and I may never know.
The truth is, most of the things we will do in our lifetime will mean nothing. It will get us nowhere, and it will not make a difference on the outcome of your life. However we still do them because that is the way we’ve been programmed. Maybe we do it to get this empty feeling away or to just feel real.
Lately I’ve been thinking a lot of my future, as do most individuals. And with thoughts of the future came thoughts of time. How just a year makes such a difference on how a person thinks and matures. It truly is funny how things take on a whole new meaning as you get older and go through more experiences. I always thought that every person that told me a year makes a difference was plain out dumb. But I understand exactly what they meant now.
I furthered my thinking adventures when the topic of separation gracefully crossed my mind. Again, I always thought that I would be the exception when people would say you lose contact with even your closest friends after graduation. Man, was I wrong. Reality is a storm that will take you by surprise. And lately, I’ve come down to reality a lot! Since graduation, my close friends have steadily been dwindling. I can’t blame them. We’ve got our own lives to live now. I still try to make an effort with the ones I want to stay close to, whether it be a conversation via text, or even a lunch date to catch up. But I’ve learned fairly quickly that you can’t fight on every front. You have to pick the fights that mean the most to you.
It’s crazy how fast everything comes. How fast you have to grow up. While I was sitting on the bench envious of the birds in flight, I began to tell myself how I need to grow up; mainly with responsibilities. Reality hits hard, and when it does all you can do is think. Think about who you were, who you are, and who you want to be. In the end, you can only control the future ahead of you. I can’t change who I was in the past, or what I’ve done. What I can do is change who I will be and what I will do. I’ve grown up a lot with this past year. I’ve learned a lot. I know how it feels to be broken. I know how it feels to be lost, to feel controlled, and to feel as though there is only one way out. I know how it feels to be picked up and brought back onto my feet.
You can’t always expect things to go the way you planned. You can’t hold on to the ones you’ll be leaving. You have to learn to accept the change, and let people go. Because that is the only way you can move on in your life and make something of yourself. As Gandhi once said, “My life is my message.”
