Burned Out

I do too much. I've come to this conclusion. All on my lonesome. I just do way too much. And there's nothing that i can do about it. Because it is who i am.

I can't keep this up very much longer. It's starting to catch up to me. Getting involved is what i do best. It's the only thing i know how to do, and quite frankly, it's the only thing i'm good at. But i can't keep doing this to myself. I'm drained all the time. Is it worth it? Hell yeah. But it's still too much.

And even with this realization, i've got big plans. I'm almost sure i'll be running for president of Pi Kappa Phi, which is a HUGE deal. That would be my biggest feat in my life. I'm also going out for SOAR which is the summer orientation dealio. I just got accepted into and have already started the Distinction in Public Affairs program. And i am in the process of applying for Greek Week committee for this spring. Yup, i get way too involved, but this is only the beginning. I'm only a sophomore. Can i really keep this up?

I'm only a sophomore. I'm only a sophomore. I'm only a sophomore. I keep saying this, and it sinks in more and more. I'm so young. And i have such high hopes. This can't keep happening.

Song of the day:

Souvenirs by Switchfoot

For the Record

It took me quite a bit of time to figure out where i wanted to sit in order to write this blog. Yeah, i'm that flustered.

It's been a rough weekend and day so far. I'm just, tired. Physically, mentally, and metaphorically. I have no motivation to do anything.

I started thinking a lot about my life, mainly the getting involved aspect. All i could think about was all of it being a waste. Let's face it, i'm only doing all of this to make a name for myself. To leave something behind greater than myself. To be somebody. But what if it's all just a big hyped dream. What if this is getting me no where. Because to be honest, i feel that way a lot.

I'm scared that my goals just won't be achieved. I know so many people, and even more know me. But it's just not enough. I want more. I want it all. I want to be able to look myself in the eye and know, that i am everything that i ever imagined myself being.

My plans seem to be impossible. I don't see them happening, at all. I can see my career plans happening, but not my personal plans.

Being an RA is one of the best things that has ever happened to me. But at the same time, it's holding me back from everything i want to be. And i know, as long as i'm an RA, i will never be able to accomplish the things i want to, and need to.

Lauren is absolutely just, GAH. I'm not falling for her head over heels. Which is a good thing since i tend to do that. But i still have feelings for her. I'm attracted to her. And she's just what i need right now. But she's being so damn difficult. Can you blame her though?

Watching Mike lavaliere Sam tonight just made me break down inside. The amount of love those two have for one another is just astounding.I want something like that. I want to love a girl so much that i am giving her my letters. As stupid as it may sound, that's a huge deal. I want to meet the girl that will make me want to change. The girl that will make me want to stick around for her. The girl that will make me want to be everything that i want to be.

If you couldn't tell, an attack is coming on. I'd say by Wednesday or Thursday (at the very latest) it will be in full swing. Gotta love it. Here's to preparation for a week or two from hell.

Song of the day:

Stereo Hearts by Gym Class Heroes

Guess

Who just applied for a distinction in public affairs?! This guy! What the hell am i doing?!?!

I keep doing all this stuff, and i have no idea why. I just am. There's no rhyme or reason behind it. But hey, i guess it'll be beneficial?

My life choices are beyond questionable at this point.

I keep doing things that i know i shouldn't, yet it's what makes me happy. Is that too much to ask for? Like for real? Is a job really that important to where you shouldn't do what makes you happy instead? Maybe i did sign my soul away.

What am i doing with my life. FUCK.

Song of the day:

Los Federales by Signal Hill

AH Fuck.

I've been thinking a lot lately. One thing i've been thinking about is how i want to go see her perform. As much as i dislike her, i'm still proud of her. And part of me misses when that was my time. Everything just seems harder now. I guess because instead of high school being your life, the real world is your life now. And by god, real world life is a bitch.

Song of the day:

I Think I'm Paranoid by Garbage