Day 1: Anticipating the War.

The general has ordered his orders. PREPARE FOR A FIGHT! We are anticipating heavy resistance, but are accepting nothing other than VICTORY! The propaganda has begun to fly in, i'm not sure if all the troops will make it. We're going to have to keep the boys in line through all of this. The enemy is going to be charging through like a snow storm any minute now, so stay tuned for further report. Over and out.

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Yay for ironic, witty, yet highly cliche ending? YEAH! So the storm is coming. And everyone is flipping shit. I guess after living in New Jersey, none of this stuff really phases me. Snow is snow. Ice is ice. If you can't function in it, live somewhere else. I do however think that given the circumstances in the given region, people should stay off of the roads. If there is one thing i've learned from living in missouri, people suck at driving in any type of inclement weather here. It is RIDICULOUS!

Any who, i did move my vehicle into the parking garage because i'm a lazy ass and i don't want to scrap off ice. I also went ahead and turned in my RA and UA applications today instead of tomorrow in case campus shuts down tomorrow.

I. Can't. Wait. To. Meet. Someone. Who? I have no idea. But i want to meet someone dang it! Right meow!

Song of the day:

Don't Want to Fall by The Narrative

Hey There Little Birdy. Creepy Little Birdy.

Hello all. As you can see i have changed the "theme" or "layout" or whatever you want to call it of my blog. Why you ask? Well mainly because i just got bored with the old one. I felt like it was time for something new. And while i was going through some other layouts i discovered this one and i fell in love with it. I guess mainly because the title of my blog is "The World Spins Madly On." This theme is just weird and abstract, and in a twisted ironic way it flows in perfect twisted harmony with the title.

Aside from the layout, other news consists of me being back in Springvegas. It's nice to be back. However, there is so much work to be done. And i'm definitely not ready for it. I'm really hoping that the weather actually stays the way it is supposed to because the way it's looking right now, we shouldn't have classes on tuesday. Oh my lanta wouldn't that be awesome.

I seem to be talking to you way too much lately. It's really weird. I would've never guessed you of all people would be the person that i talk to the most now. It's just really weird because it's unexpected. I guess i'll just let it go for now.

Birthday in exactly two weeks. I am fully convinced you aren't going to be wishing me a happy birthday. It's not going to happen. I mean, i didn't really think you would've anyway. But a part of me thought that maybe you would put your pride and grudge aside for one day and be able to say just that to me. But you won't. I know you, way too well. And maybe this is what it'll take to show me that you truly don't care about me, not one bit. Hell, i'm questioning if you ever did. Or was it all a game?

Song of the day:

Awake and Alive by Skillet

Perfecto.

I'm home. For a very short period of time. On my glorious drive home, i heard a song. And when i say song, i truly mean it. Not auto-tuned, meaningless, emotionless crap. Now when i say what song it was, most of you are going to say that this song is mainstream and that it is the same crap. You will also wonder why the heck i was listening to this artist and this specific song. Turns out it was "Fucking Perfect" by P!nk.

I had to come home and listen to it a few more times before i decided to actually write a blog about it. I've listened to it and played close attention to the lyrics. And man, i really wish more artists would actually write songs with meaning. I'm not saying there aren't any out there that don't; one of the biggest reasons i love Yellowcard so much is because their lyrics are just, magic.

Back to the song. Fucking Perfect. That title still gets me every time i think about it. Mainly because it's a song about accepting yourself. It has nothing to do with fucking hoes, getting money, or on the contrary, worshiping and screaming your lungs out and "singing" about how society sucks. There is a part in the song where she says "Exchange ourselves, And we do it all the time. Why do we do that? Why do I do that?" Accept who you are and all of your glory. Everyone always told me there is no such thing as perfect. Sure there is, everyone is perfect in their own light. It's true.

Now, there is a slight romantic connotation to said song. Fucking perfect to me. Accepting others for everything they are. They're perfect. Don't expect them to change. Don't even want them to change. The more and more i listen to the song, i really can't help but think that i want a girl that thinks i'm "fucking perfect" and takes me for everything i am and doesn't try to change everything about me. I am who i am, i have my faults, i have my downfalls, i have my skeletons in my closet. Take me for my good and my bad. When you love someone, you have to love everything good about them. The hard part is, loving everything bad about them, and dealing with it. Because loving someone isn't easy. It takes work. You have to love all of them. The whole them. Not morph them into something so that you can love all of them. They're fucking perfect, and that is exactly the way everyone should stay.

Song of the day:

Fucking Perfect by P!nk

Marrying Destiny

I want everyone to do something. Take five minutes out of your lives and evaluate yourself. Are you truly happy with who you are? With the things you've left behind? With who you are around now?

These are some of the questions that we hide ourselves from, for the mere fact of being afraid of what the answer might be. None of us are perfect by any means, but there needs to be a good dose of logic in everyone's lives. Pushing away people that mean the most to you in life isn't the most logical thing in this life, now is it? People slip up, it's human nature. But taking things to such extremities to where you are putting that relationship up in flames does no one good. Trust me. No matter how bad things get, destroying relationships with the people that have always been there for you is never the answer. So take these five minutes and figure out if the path you're on is the path you want to be on.

On Tuesday, after dinner, I randomly got a fever. And i've been in bed ever since then. Today i feel 1000 times better. Now it feels like nothing ever happened. But tuesday night and yesterday morning was the worst. Because of that, i didn't go to any of my classes yesterday, nor did i go to any today (just to be safe). I mainly didn't go today because when i woke up, i had every intention of going. But then i felt really hot like i might still have a fever or something. So just to be on the safe side i decided not to. But tomorrow i'll definitely be going.

It's truly funny how the time line shifts dramatically. Three months ago if anyone would've told me that the love of my life would hate me and the person that hated me the most would end up being the person i talk to the most now, i would've probably laughed until i died. But that is exactly what happened. I'm not quite sure how, but it did. I'm glad that you and i are talking again. I truly did miss it. But the fact that the love of my life now absolutely hates me, well, i can't quite swallow that yet.

I had a dream tuesday night that i was dieing. In a hospital. So you came to see me. The fact that you came to see me was surprising enough. But then YOU were so heartbroken that you tried to kill yourself, but it failed. However, with your "issue", you were going to die anyway. So we were both in the hospital waiting to die. And this is the part that still gets me every time i think about it; we got married.

Song of the day:

Marry Me by Train

The Darkness

Something is brewing. A storm of some sort. Between whom I know not, nor do I know over what.

That has been the overall theme of what has been rushing in my mind. I can feel it, that gut feeling. Last time I got a feeling like this, well, needless to say it wasn't good.

These dreams need to stop. I'm trying, can't you see. I'm talking to you, big man, and you. Mr. almighty, you know I've been trying, whether she knows it or not. And you know that sometimes I do put myself through the pain, just so I can feel something at all. But she doesn't, but she should know or at least have an idea. What more do you want from me? I practically gave it all up for you, but you still wanted nothing to do with me. So stop haunting me. Stop making me relive all the memories. Stop making me have these dreams that instill hope. Because I don't want it. I don't want hope if it has to do with you. Why? Because all it is and all it will ever be is false hope. Everyone is right. I don't want to admit it, but I will. The ship has sailed, and you're never coming back. Tough. Just please, I'm begging you, let me live in peace.

True love will create a bond unlike no other. A bond that can never be broken. A bond that you can never see. Friendship is a bond you can see, because it is a clear line. A line that is there for entertainment. It can and a lot of the times is crossed. The bond of love however creates this passion of hate. Of despise. But underlying all of it is yet another layer of love. The core. Within this core lies something much stronger than mere friendship. There lies your soul. And with this bond, friendship is inevitable; more so best friendship. But sometimes the hate gets so consuming that the core becomes nothing more than a shadow. This is when you have something, something called the darkness.

It's times like these that I wish I was back in high school so I wouldn't have to go to school. Not. I would take going to classes everyday over that hands down.

Song of the day:

Rocketeer by Far East Movement Ft. Ryan Tedder

Dreams Above.

So yesterday and today have been pretty awesome.

Yesterday i had classes, as i pointed out. But last night Thomas Perry and i went on an adventure around springfield. Why? Because we can! We went to Bass Pro (of course) and then EntertainMart. Let me just tell you this, if you like DVD's, CD's, posters, or video games, this is the place for you. Their DVD collection is INSANE. I got Inception and Ironman 2 for a grand total of 22 dollars. That's right. Inception alone is still 24 bucks.
And then after that, we came back and i heard the new single from YELLOWCARD!! I absolutely love them. And to know that they are finally back together and coming out with stuff just made me light up.

Today, i was going to go to the game but decided not to because i needed to get some work done. I got the whole green report done for my fraternity in one day. Hell yeah! And of course i got to watch my Bears do what they do best on ESPN2! That was one hell of a game.

Then after all of that i went to the Pig Roast at the house. It was fun because everyone was there and we all just shared stories and talked. Definitely nice to unwind after doing the green report all day.

But now, it is time for some fun. Because tonight is the night for some shenanigans. Definitely something that is overdue.

Just thought i'd fill you all in on that :) i promise, serious blog coming soon. It is bound to happen!

Song of the day:

For You, And Your Denial by Yellowcard

Tweet Tweet.

Dear cute girl sitting across from me in management. I know i know, i'm a couple of years younger than you, but it's just a number, right?! Any who, you are adorable. Just thought you should know that. Thank you for being my motivation to come to class. Sincerely, teenage college boy.

------------------

So this morning i got up and went to accounting. not the fun part. after that i came back and took a shower. I put on some everyday clothes, looked in the mirror, and man, for some reason i felt cute.

Sperry's + ice = not fun. So i changed shoes. Other than that my day's been pretty blah. I think the walk to and from class is always the best. Mainly because i get to see everyone i know and it makes me feel loved. Tonight is going to be my "chill" night. When i actually get to sit around in my room and catch up on some work. Mainly just printing things out and maybe even start on some applications. Tomorrow i have to get up around ten to go pick up tickets for the basketball game tomorrow night. I'm so pumped for that. It'll be on ESPN2 for those who would like to watch :).

Greek Jam practice was last night. Needless to say i'm completely sore. Its gonna be a long 2 months.

Twitter is actually really cool. I'm liking it. It takes out all the stupid garbage that facebook has and is based off of simplicity. Plus you don't have friends (followers) in the hundreds. Tweet.

I shall be going home next weekend. Unless something comes up. But as of right now i will be. Eh.

I know i said i would explain the whole friendship and love thing in this post, but i'm just not feeling it right now. I'm in a mood of giddy-ness. So i'll post the friendship love correlation when i'm feeling more serious.

Anne Hathaway as Catwoman in the Dark Knight Rises? Eh. She's hot and all, but i'm hoping she can keep up with the whole "dark" theme. Bane shall also be appearing in this one. I forgot who plays him though.

Song of the day:

All American Nightmare by Hinder

Hubert Cumberdale.

It's all piecing together now. But i still don't quite understand it. Why did you do what you did? I assume it was for revenge. But it still doesn't make sense. Deep down, were you doing it for me? Did you do it because deep down you maybe still care a little bit about me? Do i appreciate it? Absolutely. But i still think it's wrong. And the fact that i know and haven't said anything about it is killing me. Because i would want someone to tell me about this. It doesn't matter though. Because even if i did tell her the truth, she wouldn't believe me. Maybe that's why you let me find out. You knew that even if i did tell her that she wasn't going to believe i word i said. But maybe you want her to know. I don't know. It's all just a messy situation. And the funny part is, only you're going to know what i've been talking about.

The more and more i keep thinking about everything, the more and more i can't believe what i've done in just one semester in college. I'm living a freshman's dream. The only thing that sucks though is this. I've done so much my first semester, but now i how do i top that when say, i'm a senior. I mean even if i don't get RA or UA this year, the fact that i even have a shot at both of those is unbelievable. Is that to say no one has done it before? Absolutely not. But it's not everyday that a freshman gets these opportunities. But like i've been saying in my other posts, it's just so hard to appreciate it and take it for all of its glory when i have no one to share it with. Yes, i have my brothers behind me 100%, and i have my best friends that are the same way. But it just isn't the same. Having someone to actually share your life with and letting someone into your life is just a great experience. It's an experience that i miss so much.

My greatest downfall as a person has always been that the one person that i let into my life and into my heart was the one person i hurt the most. When i had someone like that, i talked to them all the time, i shared everything with them, so naturally, i took out my anger on them. Anytime i would get angry or frustrated i would take it out on that one person and no one else. I would act perfectly fine with everyone else. And to top it off, the smallest of things, the dumbest of things, would set me off. Guess what. The point of weaknesses is to work at them and make them a strength. That's exactly what i did. I don't get mad now. Yeah i get pissed every now and then if i get a bad grade or something. But that's just human nature. But the anger i always had inside of me is gone. And i love it. It's weird, because everything that she hated about me, i changed. Everything that drove her away, i changed. And she was right. They were things that needed to be changed. But obviously it's too little too late. I do thank her though, for showing me that i wasn't the best person in the world and showing me my mistakes.

The reason i'm posting basically everyday lately is because i've had A LOT on my mind. Therefore, i need to get it down into words.

Birthday in less then a month! Woo.

I want all of you readers to think about this for a couple of days: The correlation between friendship and love. Next post i'll explain why i want you guys to think about it. Kind of.

Song of the day:

All I Do Is Win by DJ Khaled

Not Exactly My Cup of Tea.

Well. Here we are. I'd love to say that there is a lot to be said about life right now, but in all honesty, there isn't.

Each and every day, i'm starting to like my business classes a little more. Are they challenging? Very. Are they fun and educational? YES! It's amazing how you actually want to go to school/class when you know you are actually learning something that will better your future. Maybe that's what the American educational system is lacking; purpose. I went through 13 years of school for what? To get to college only to not be prepared? Now are all systems the same? No. The private school kids seem to be more prepared than public. But that's a given. Is it time for change? Heck yes. Will it happen soon? Very, highly, doubtful.

As i sip on my tea and look out the window overseeing campus on this gloomy day, i can't help but think about everything. I'd like to hope that soon, real soon, things will get better. That i will be purely happy again. HOPE.

I've got a lot on my plate for this semester. As a freshman on exec board, it's very stressful and confusing at times. There's just so much to be done. I'm not too sure if i could ever be archon (president) as much as the chapter would like me to be. I'm applying to be an RA next year as i said in my last post. I'm also applying to be a UA (University Ambassador), who are basically the people that represent the school and give tours during the year. And get PAID. That's more competitive than RA because they're always looking for more male RA's. And to top off the list, Emerging Leaders will be starting up in early March. Which seems like it's far away, but it'll be here before i know it.

Now, you're probably thinking, "well with all of this going on, there's no way you could handle a relationship!" Wrong. Having a relationship would help me out so much right now. Just to have someone to always talk to and explain everything to. But what can ya do.

So last night i was chilling out at the house with everyone since it was a rush event. We had a game night at the house and all the ones interested in rushing just came by the house and we gave them a tour of it and we had a bunch of games set up everywhere like xbox, N64 and board games. I was mainly there because i had to take attendance of all the actives that showed up. But after i was done with that i just chilled out on the couch in the living room where most of the people were. Then Laura came and sat with me (since a lot of the g-phi's were there) and we just sat there for hours with Caleb on the other side and just chilled. We didn't really talk about much. But it was nice having her and Caleb right there and laying all over each other. It was really nice to be surrounded by guys and girls that love me.

I'm gonna get a twitter soon. So a lot of my time online will probably be taken up by that for a few days so i can figure out how to use it. If you have a twitter, try to find me today or tomorrow and follow me!

Song of the day:

Our Kind of Love by Lady Antebellum

Spinning With a Cause

It's times like these that i kind of feel like life does have its reasoning's.

Spring rush has begun today! Which means i'm going to be really busy for the next couple of weeks. Mainly because i have to go to all of the events :/. But it's okay because i'm going to be doing something i love.

I have decided that i have to become an RA next year if i want to be anywhere close to my friends. If i go to the house, my relationship with all of my "GDI" friends will suffer. And i'm not ready to do that. So my only other option now is to become an RA. I mean, it's definitely something i want to do, i just wasn't planning on doing it so soon. But hey, that's life. It just sucks that i won't be able to room with Tommy next year. I really was looking forward to another year with him.

This is a new beginning. Whether you know it or not. The past is the past. I can't change it. But what we can do is change the future.

I'll be back home in two weeks. WOOO. (maybe)

You know, everything that has happened to me lately, as in the past few weeks,it has been really hard for me to not break down. Being so used to having someone to talk about everything with has become a weakness for me. Yeah i have others to talk about it with, but it's not the same. I try to talk about the stuff in my life with other people, but they just don't care or don't understand. Who can blame them? I guess what i'm getting at here, is that my only wish is to get my best friend back. There's so much i want/need to tell you about. Yeah. Maybe things will be different this time. Maybe.

I love having my first class be at 12:30 :D

I've been having the most effed up dreams lately. At the time they don't make sense, but a couple of days later they start to make perfect sense. I figured out who the girl was from the other dream. And oh my ba-jeezus, was i shocked.

Song of the day:

Pursuit of Happiness by Kid Cudi

Sailor On An Open Sea.

Something about cold weather makes the brain think. Nothing in particular, but just think. Rain, snow, or shine. One of my favorite things to do is go outside during the winter and just walk until i feel like sitting down somewhere. No specific reason. Just a way for me to clear my mind when it gets filled with thoughts.

My favorite place to go when i'm home is the football field up at the high school. I know, most people are going to say that i can't let go of high school. It doesn't have to do with that. The football field at night is so peaceful. And you can just sit there or walk around, look up at the stars, or lay down on the field. It's quiet and open. And to be honest, the field is the only place that i've never had to face sorrow, disappointment, or hurt (emotionally). It's just a place i love to go to when i need to get away. I usually don't share that place with anyone, except one person, so feel special.

MYLC. What to say about that. Let's see. In 2 days, i met a shit ton of Pi Kapps from all over the country. It was one of those experiences that was a pain in the butt, but you know in the back of your mind that whatever you went through is all worth it. And it was. Sitting through pointless meetings that taught me nothing, and a lunch that wouldn't fill up an ant doesn't seem so bad anymore. Truth be told, you don't really know the feeling of brotherhood until you meet other chapters. Mainly because you can go up to any one of them and talk for hours on end. Complete strangers. It felt amazing to be in a room full of guys that stand for the same things you do. Granted, some of the chapters looked and acted like your typical "frat" boys. Not naming any names, but one of those is in this state. I really can't explain MYLC any better than that.

Coming home. Oh lawd. Seeing my parents for the first time since thanksgiving was borderline awkward. Mainly because we didn't really know what to say to each other. But it got better today. I saw all the pictures of all the stuff in India and videos that they took of my grandpa's house after the renovations. I kind of wish i would've gone. Mainly because it looks like they all had fun. One of the biggest reasons i didn't want to go when they were booking tickets was because of Rachel. That was back in August. Oh, and my mom plunked one of my white hairs that was on my beard. White hair count is down to one. (she couldn't find the other one :D)

After a week of classes, with the majority of them being business oriented, i'm sure i want to go into business. Now is finance the exact major? I don't know that quite yet. Ha. Baby steps. One thing i learned this weekend is that you have to do things gradually and achieve small wins. Changes don't happen overnight. Pick your battles, and take them on.

With that being said, lately i've been able to show myself as being pretty stable and well composed. In all honesty, however, i'm more unstable now than i was before. I doubt myself more than ever, my self esteem is at a new low. It really is to the point of not knowing how i'm still going. It has dawned on me that many of the things that have happened to me have been via pure luck. Does it pay to be lucky? I guess so. But how much longer until i bust my ass yet again and that luck vanishes? I need to figure things out.

Okay this is getting obnoxiously long. But one last thought. Promise. I had a dream last night. This dream was so, so weird. I was with someone, and when i say with i mean i was in a relationship with her, of some sort. But as hard as i try to recall, i can't see her face. All i remember is that she wore glasses. And she had long hair. Other then that i can't remember anything. It has been bugging me all day. Because it made me happy; it made my heart race.

Song of the day:

Wavin Flag by K'Naan

Two Hairs, One Chin.

One thing that i already love about my second semester in college is that i know at least a couple of people in each of my classes, except my creative writing class. And surprisingly, none of them are my brothers.

I've come to the conclusion that Abigail is going to be the person that gets me through management. That class is going to be a pain. Needless to say, Dodson fucked me over in high school, and now i'm totally lost in that class. Most of you are probably confused. Well, it's a management class. However, it's a business communication class. Therefore we learn about proper business etiquette and grammar. Yay. And seeing that Abi got a 35 in the English portion of the ACT when she was in high school and like a 34 or something overall, she's going to be helping me a lot. Thank you sorority girls.

Creative writing is going to be very very very interesting. I can already tell i'm going to be tested in that class. It's a poetry class, and there are a lot of new things i'm going to have to try. I'm fine with it; it'll broaden my horizons. And now i'll finally know if i'm actually good or if it was just in my head the whole time. To top it off, i sat in between two very cute girls. One that lives in my dorm hall, and the other is a creative writing major. After this class i thought about it, and i realized that in each of my classes, i sit next to an attractive girl. Motivation to go to class everyday? Yes please.

Speaking of ladies. I've thought about her more than i have in months today. I don't know why. I just have. I keep thinking about the past. What we had. And i can't help but get sad again. I just woke up and couldn't stop. I even had dreams with her in them. Why? Why now? Why a month later, after i had already moved away from the situation and made myself stop thinking about her? I love the girl i fell in love with so much, still. That is what's stopping me from going anywhere. That is what is stopping me from taking any risks. I tried to, with Karalyn. But, god knows what happened there. My walls are up. The only thing inside of them are myself, and the memories.

I said i would stop drinking. But i can't. Not when things are the way they are. And it really sucks. Because my life is actually not too bad. I'm sure there would be plenty of people that would gladly live my life for me. I mean, i should be thankful for the things i have, the opportunities i'm getting, and just how lucky i've been. But when you don't have anyone to share any of that with, it doesn't mean as much. When the person you accomplished all of this for suddenly disappears, you don't feel as proud of it. In fact, you don't feel proud at all. It just becomes another part in your everyday routine.

I found yet another white hair on my beard. That takes the count to two. Awesome.

Song of the day:

This Love, This Hate by Hollywood Undead

I Smell Knowledge!

Hello from Springvegas! I'm finally back at MSU, and although i started classes today, i'm so glad to be back.

I came back on Saturday, well, Saturday night, and went to one of my brother's 21st birthday parties. Needless to say, it was a fun night. Some people even got some texts from me. Sorry again for that.

But seriously, I really needed that night. Especially to kick off the new semester. It was just so great walking into the apartment and the whole place just erupting. It really made me feel great because we all missed each other so much. I also ended up meeting a bunch of new people! Everyone knows how much I love meeting people, especially the female kind.

I had an 8:35 accounting class today. That's going to be an interesting class this semester. I think i'm going to enjoy it.

I've been talking to someone a lot lately. And the more we talk, the more i realize we are very compatible. But the thing is, i just can't see us together. It's not that she isn't attractive or that she's out of my league. I just can't picture us together. Which is a shame because like i said, we are very similar. Yeah, you have your drawbacks, but who doesn't? I'm not sure.

I'm thoroughly excited for two events right now. Well, three. The first one is this weekend, MYLC. That is the conference for all of the new exec members of Pi Kapp in the midwest. It's definitely going to be a great experience. Next up is Rush Spring 2011. I'm really excited to finally be on the other side of things and be a part of the recruitment process. The third thing i'm excited for is being a chaperon for the movie-a-thon at the high school. Yes, i know, i graduated already. But, Renaissance is like my little baby. I got to mold that club into what it is/was by the end of my senior year. Whether they keep up with it is their own business, but i know i made a bunch of changes to the organization. And Renaissance is the one club that made me who i am today. It opened the door of "leadership" for me and showed me what i'm capable of.

Other than that, i don't have much to say. My parents come back to STL today. That should be interesting. Oh lawdy.

Song of the Day:

Waiting For The End by Linkin Park

Oh, How the Mighty Have Fallen.

So apparently it's been quite awhile since i've posted something, according to some people. Honestly, there hasn't been munch going on. Nothing important anyway.

After new years i've pretty much just laid low, gone and spent some time with various friends. Last night i went out to dinner with Alicia and Courtney and then we all went to Drew's house and watched Inception.

I'm going to take some time and talk about that movie. It's okay, there is no spoiler alert. But if you haven't seen it, WATCH IT. I haven't figured out how some people find it too confusing. If you watch the whole movie and don't over analyze anything, it's pretty straight forward. In fact, it's a great storyline. Definitely something different from your everyday love story crap. And it really does make you think about life and dreams. All in all, it's a movie i will be getting in the near future!

Okay, back to last night. Drew and I talked from about midnight to five in the morning. About EVERYTHING. To be honest, it was really nice. It has been a long time since i've had a talk like that. And when i say everything, i mean it. We touched on every subject. Before we knew it, it was five in the morning. Needless to say, i slept all day. And then i went out to eat with my other sister at b-dubs!

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately. And i've come to the conclusion that i really need to get away for awhile. Just leave and try to find myself. Everyone was right, i don't exactly know who i am yet. And until i figure out who i am, i can't expect someone else to come into my life and figure out who i am. This all came about when i was thinking about Karalyn. I would like nothing more than to date her, but i started to look at things from her point of view. If i were in her shoes, i would say no. I'm in college and three hours away. Who wants to try and have a relationship with that. Maybe i'm wrong. Maybe she doesn't care. I still don't know. Still no answer. It will be really awkward if we run into each other when i go back to the high school tomorrow for the last time until about April.

You know, i look at what you've become now. I can't help but smile. Because you're not the girl you once were. You are not the same girl that loved me, and i'm okay with that. People change, things change. You changed for the worse. Is that to say that you will never be the same? Absolutely not. But, I'm glad i had you when i did, and lost you when i did.

Song of the day:

Save Me by Nicki Minaj

Queen on my Chess Board.

Here we are! The new year is here!

How did i bring it in you ask? Well, with a group of people that have loved one another, hated one another, talked about one another, hung out with one another, and ignored one another at one point throughout 2010. But guess what, we all brought in 2011 together, like a family. And we all got a long, we all talked and laughed and shared stories. Man, was it nice to have everyone together once again.

2010 has been a very weird year, to say the least. I experienced the most magical night of a teenagers life (prom), went through graduation, had to say goodbye, cut off some friendships, made some new ones, fell in love, and got my first heartbreak. Oh, and I went off to college! I think 2010 has been the one year that so much has happened, and to be honest, I don't regret any of it. Everything that happened, happened for a reason. Even if I don't know the reason for some of those events just yet, I will sooner or later. I can only imagine what 2011 will have in store for me!

Since it was the first day of the new year, I decided to start off with a bang. So I took the plunge, for the first time in 7 months. How did it go? Well, I'm not exactly sure. I guess since I don't know, I'd say badly. But on the bright side, I took the chance! Maybe I'm just...*waves hands in air*....different.

Song of the day:

Cameras by Matt and Kim