Life. Is. Good.

University Ambassador Retreat yesterday was AWESOME! I absolutely loved it. Meeting all the new and current UA's was so much fun. I got to learn all about the new stuff that's going to be happening here at MSU before anyone else knows about it and i got to learn about some of the history behind the university. All in all it was a great experience. And of course my big A is none other than Matt!

I go on my first shadow tour this wednesday. I'm pretty pumped for it!

But before wednesday comes tuesday. Which is tomorrow. You know what that means? I find out about RA tomorrow! Should be interesting to see what happens with that.

Life is really good right now. I got to go to Steak n Shake with Shelby saturday night/sunday morning and we just sat and talked about everything. It was nice to talk to finally get some bonding time with my mommy. Haha.

There really isn't much to complain about. I mean, yeah i'm kinda stressed out with classes and tests and what not, but that's a given. I can honestly say, finally, that i am happy. I am happy with everything! My life really did turn out pretty well after all. I'm on the right track, with the right friends, at the right college, and with the right families.

I say "families" because i don't just have one anymore. I have my parents and my sister and my "real" family. But then i have my family here. Which of course includes my friends, but it more so includes the close knit family of the Greeks. I have my brothers and all of my sorority girls. It's funny how that family stuff works. Technically, i have my own fraternity brothers, but i also have an uncle, an aunt, a dad, a mommy, and a bunch of cousins. I absolutely love it.

Run for homecoming king next year? I don't know. I'm still pondering on that thought. We shall see.

I haven't been able to take in the REAL college life until now. This semester. I'm finally able to do everything i want to do. I'm finally able to experience everything. Being single isn't so bad. :)

I mean yeah, i want to be able to share all of this with someone. But i'm not in a rush. I'm looking, but not searching. If someone comes into my life, awesome. But if they don't, for now, i'm okay with that. Because i have my family here, and i have some pretty awesome people back home that are here for me too.

A part of me wants to just show you what i'm capable of doing. Show you that you were holding me back. Being with someone should enable you to achieve things you never could on your own. You just kept me from doing anything. You didn't even believe in my dreams. Now look at me. Do you see anything? I'm happy! I'm genuinely HAPPY! And i'm doing so much. Without you. Without having you. Now i can't thank you enough for letting me go. Because i am going to do great things, with no help from you. Have fun being alone and having your mom as your only friend. :)

Song of the day:

Hear Me Now by Hollywood Undead

BOOSH.

Say hello to the champions! That's right, MSU won the 2011 MVC Championship. Now we just have to win out the tournament this weekend!

That game was SICK. Our arena was sold out Thursday morning for today's game. It was PACKED. I'm pretty sure i'm losing my voice because of it but it is totally worth it!

Tomorrow is UA retreat! I'm so pumped!

Yesterday i got to hang out with matt at the house and see everyone. It was nice. We watched House of Wax. Purrrrty scary.

The flirtatious monster is back :).

I find out about RA this week! AHHHHHH.

Honestly, there's not much to say right now. haha. HOLLYWOOD UNDEAD released yet another track on their new album! I'm so angry that they kicked Deuce out. But the new guy, Danny, isn't too bad. I just wish they didn't kick the guy that created the whole thing out. Plus he was AWESOME.

Song of the day:

Been To Hell by Hollywood Undead

So Phresh

Good things happen to those who wait. Living proof.

Karma's getting to you, dear. Sorry to say it, but it is. How does it feel? How does it feel watching your little perfect world that you are so caught up in come crashing down? As you go through all of this, alone, i hope you think about what could have been. Just like i had for so long. Sure, you could say the same to me. I'm going through a lot right now, and i guess you could say i'm alone. But in a way, i'm not.

Thank you. That is all i can say to you. I don't deserve you being nice to me. You wonder on and on why i'm so nice. I told you, i changed. A lot. But i guess a part of me wants to show you who i really am. Compared to the guy that you always saw. I have no doubt in my mind that you cared about me. Or that you still do. It's funny, because you give me more support now than she ever did. You believe in my own dreams more than she ever did. Hell, sometimes you believe in them more than i do. You'll get through this funk you've been dealing with. Trust me, things get better as you get older. Good things happen to those who wait. Remember, you told me that.

UA retreat is this Sunday! That means all day i get to train on how to be a University Ambassador. My first tour should be soon. I'm so flippin excited! I find out about RA in six days!

Yellowcards new song is out. :) I LOVE THEM! Everyone should go to YouTube or iTunes or whatever and listen to it!

What i love about MSU: My family here will always be behind me. No matter what. The community here is absolutely mind blowing. :)

Song of the day:

Hang You Up by Yellowcard

Happiness is Alive

Say hello to the newest employee/member of Missouri State University Ambassadors! YUP! I got it! I am so excited. I cannot wait to get this going. This is exactly what i needed to keep my little streak of awesomeness going.

I still can't wrap it around my head. It's so crazy! I can't believe this is all happening to me!

This is just support for my last post. Hopefully, there will be more support to come. I'm feeling an all time high, and baby i love it!

I'm so glad i got to see you before i came back home! :) It truly made my day. The best thing is, you don't even know it. Yet. :)

I love my life right now. I truly do. I really hope this keeps going. I love this feeling of being loved and being surrounded by people i love.

Read it, and weep. This is what you let go of. This is what you getting out of my life has gotten me. I've found someone. Someone nothing like you.

Song of the day:

Written In The Stars by Tinie Tempah ft. Eric Turner

Proud of the Man in the Mirror.

I did so much for you. I did everything for you. After that, i didn't know how i was going to keep going without you. Without having anyone to work for. I couldn't imagine myself doing anything if it wasn't for you. I tried convincing myself that what i was doing was still for you. I lied. I lied to myself. Each and every day. I just went through my RA interviews and UA interviews. And guess what, when i was asked a question, the answers came from me. My heart. I did it because i wanted to. The last time i felt this so proud of myself was when i was one of the original 10 in Renaissance. The funny thing is, i haven't even been accepted into RA or UA. But i'm still PROUD of myself. Even if no one else is. Even my own sister is always yelling at me for one thing or another. I mean i guess i don't really expect anything else. I get good job's, good luck's, and well done's. But never, "I'm proud of you". Two people. Lately anyway. One is my big brother. Yup, from Pi Kapp. He told me he was proud of me when i got on exec and when i got Emerging Leaders. I'm sure he'll say it again if i get anything else. And the other was you. You know who you are. The person i never thought i'd be talking to right now. The person that i can now talk to whenever i want to and about anything i want to.

I'm proud of myself. For realizing who you really were. Who you really are. And you know what? Karma is a bitch. Things will come back to you. One way or another. Right now, or later. I hope it does. But i hope you don't have to feel what i felt. No one deserves to feel like that. I'm proud of myself for doing what i've done, for being able to get up every morning. For not letting anyone get in my way. For not letting anyone get under my skin. A kid i thought was like a brother to me told me i was better off dead. I hope karma gets you too. Because i'm here, doing great things. One day you, along with the rest of them, will see exactly what i'm capable of doing. And you, the one that tries to act all innocent to me. Don't worry, you're not fooling a soul. Your time will come too, dear.

I'm proud of who i am. Am i perfect? Not even close. Is it still a work in progress? Absolutely. But from where i was and where i've come, i couldn't ask for anything more. After this week, i see what i can do. I'm ready. I'm ready to be all i can be. And i've found people that are willing to accept that. That are willing to be with me through the good, the success, the glory, and the bad, the disappointment, and the anger. They aren't like you. They won't leave me with nothing when times get rough. They are TRUE. Call it bashing. Call it being a jerk or a douche. At least i can look myself in the mirror and be proud of what i see. At least i don't have to hide things about myself. I'm proud of myself, and the people in my life. I'm proud to have them there. I'm not embarrassed by them or feel better than them.

This message will in one way or another get to you. So listen up. When you accomplish everything that I have, with no support from your family, and everyone against you. When you beat the odds time and time again, call it luck. When you battle out that monster inside of you each day just to see the light. When you can walk around a UNIVERSITY and know 1 out of every 10 people that pass you. Then, you can tell me I'm better off dead.

Song of the day:

Hometown Glory by Adele

Acceptance. Followed By Happiness.

I like being happy. It's actually quite enjoyable.

It has come to my attention that your life has sucked ever since I left it. Good. You deserve it. I always thought you deserved better. And i always thought you were as good as it was ever going to get. It took me this long to figure out otherwise. THIS is how things should be. THIS is what you deserve. Actually, you deserve worse. But i'll accept this.

And it all started with one choice. Which led to another. Funny how that always happens. It's always one choice that can make it or break it. One choice almost made it to where i wouldn't have lived to see the age of 19. One choice took me out of this stupid darkness. One choice scared depression away. One choice made me happy.

Each day, i feel better and better. I feel happier and happier. I guess i have this to thank you for. You showed me that the sweetest of people can be the worst of humans. But guess what, it showed me that karma is a bitch. That in time, you can feel again. In time, your heart will race. In time, you'll realize that you the best it was ever going to get for her, and that there's better out there for you. And i've found it.

I get to see one of my cuties again tonight :) I got to see both of them yesterday. It was a good day. :D

Song of the day:

August's Rhapsody by Mark Mancina

Engagement On A Birthday.

Hello world. Happy Valentines day to all. Man, it feels great to be back. I feel it now. I really do. I feel like the old me. Not the old, old me. But a newer version of the old me. I feel good. Real good.

I am now 19 years old. WOOOOOOO. This time next year i will be in my twenties. I must say, celebrating my birthday was a BLAST. My brothers had a party Saturday night, and the second it was midnight, the whole house went insane. All i ever wanted was to feel loved. My brothers and my friends replaced that void. It was definitely a great night. A night i won't forget (or remember fully) for a long time.

I got engaged that night too! Not really, but i did propose to a girl and she said yes. Best part, i proposed using a spider ring! :) It was Abigail. I love that girl. She took care of me all night. She has a boyfriend, so it's not like i was making a move on her or anything. Now we have this ongoing thing of being engaged to each other and planning a wedding. It's all in fun.

I went through all of my RA interviews. What a relief! They all went fairly well. I hope anyway. I'll find out March 1st if i got it or not. So if you don't hear from me that day, you'll know why. UA interview is on Wednesday. I'm uber nervous for it. Yes, uber.

I'm not going to say i'm fully happy. Because i'm not. But i am getting there. :)

It's finally clear to me. It really isn't that i don't want to fall in love again. It's really that i just don't want to fall in love with you again. Thank god.

Burning bridges, taking names. That's how we do. That's how I do.

I get to see my cutie tonight :) YES YES YES.

Song of the day:

I Need A Doctor by Dr. Dre and Eminem feat. Skyler Grey

Ten, More, Minutes.

Long yet productive day. Kind of.

Why am i still up when i have a class at 8:35 in the morning that i can't miss? I'm the designated driver tonight until 2. YES. Honestly, i don't mind. I love my brothers, and if that means i stay up until two so they have a safe ride, so be it. And it hasn't been too busy so it's not all bad.

I did my laundry, talked to the new associates and introduced myself, and played a game of madden. I think that is a day well spent.

Tomorrow is finally friday. I have RA carousel at night so needless to say i won't be going out. Saturday i have the interview portion for RA, and then celebrating my birthday! WOOOOOOOOO. Definitely need it after this long week. Expect some phone calls :)

Everything's happening so fast. I'm sorry to everyone that i haven't really talked to much lately. I'm so busy, and every time i get some free space i usually just listen to some music, sleep, or play xbox because i need some fun. Granted its not much time, but it's better than nothing? I'm sure everything will slow down soon; hopefully.

I'm going home next weekend! Yay? I still don't know what i want for my birthday. My parents keep asking. My dad's suggestion today was a North Face jacket. Fail.

Well, 10 more minutes until i get to go to sleep. So i'm gonna go now.

Song of the day:

King of Anything by Sara Bareilles

Defining.

News of the day: I got an interview for University Ambassador!

To be honest, there really isn't much to say.

I met someone. Well, i already knew her, but she's catching my eye. Awesome part? She's the same age as me! Plus she works at my favorite coffee shop. :) We shall see where this goes, if anywhere. I'm betting on nowhere.

This week is going by extremely slow. I hate it! I want Saturday night to get her pronto! I wanna have some fun, especially for my birthday. I don't know, it just doesn't feel like my birthday is coming up. I guess the older you get the less significant it becomes. Especially after 21. My parent's keep asking me what i want for my birthday, and i still have no idea. I've been browsing online to see if anything pops up that i like, but i've had no luck.

I'm pretty content with the way things are going i guess. I'm at that point where i know a change is coming, because i can feel it. You know that feeling that you get after a long period of time of being absolutely miserable and then working your way back up? The feeling that you get when you know somethings coming? It's that feeling. Every time i've gotten this feeling, i girl has come into my life. Not saying it'll happen again, but odds are in favor. I guess that's the only thing i'my lacking right now. Having someone to share all of this with. I know soon i'm going to be going through a lot of changes, whether it be good or bad. Between RA and UA there are going to be a lot of new things coming up. Maybe by then i will have someone to share it with. Someone that actually appreciates it for once, and is proud of me. :)

I need to do laundry, STAT.

Song of the day:

I Just Had Sex by The Lonely Island feat. Akon

Bring it, THUNDER.

Teehee. This keeps getting better and better. I love how people never realize quite how stupid they look sometimes. Simple actions put you in a position that you make yourself look quite, well, dumb. I could name you as many people as you want me to that do this. Hell, i do it too. But now, when all of us are right, i'm not going to hesitate to say "I told you so." You may know them, you may know everything about them. But you're missing something. It's called human nature. You just wait and see. It really makes me laugh. You're going through a tough time, i understand. But trust me, don't defend someone that wouldn't defend you. That is how you lose it. Lose relationships and your ties to reality.

So the tables have turned, it seems. Every female i'm attracted to now is older than me. And not just by a year, but multiple. Fail? I believe so. But it's quite alright. Because there's a small win out of this fail. I'm attracted to other girls now. Yes.

Best compliment of my life: I want to subscribe to your statuses on facebook because they always make my day brighter, just like when I talk to you!

And no, she wasn't hitting on me. It's nice to hear that i make someone's day every once and awhile. It seems like when i make others happy it makes me happier. I'm working on the whole being purely happy thing. I truly am. I'll get there.

Oh girl that looks like Michelle Monaghan, you are awesome. Just sayin.

Song of the day:

I Am Not A Robot by Marina & The Diamonds

Chase Unreachable Dreams. Go.

My fortune cookie fortune: "Nothing can keep you from reaching your goals. Do it!"

Standards. I've been thinking about this a lot lately. People need to evaluate their standards. Not only when it comes to other people, but life. I see people looking at colleges that they want to go to. I can't help but think about standards. I mean, I can't be the only one. I'm all for shooting for your dreams. But dreams should be plausible. There are just some things that can't realistically happen. Standards is always talked about when it comes to relationships. I've always seen girls as out of my league. But then i look at some other people i know and the girls that they go after. Oh my lanta. Again, have a sense of reality. I'm not trying to be bitterly mean, and i'm not saying that people should settle. A person's goals and dreams in life should be reachable. Don't lose a sense for reality.

I'm really wondering how many people read this now. Before i knew exactly how many, and specifically who. But now, your guess is as good as mine.

GAH. I love dreaming. This is really getting bad. Oh no. BUT, birthday is in a week. Yay for turning the insignificant age of 19? On the bright side, i'll be with the people i absolutely love when i turn 19. Shenanigans galore :)

I got a 156 out of 150 on my accounting test. WIN. Take that business college from hell.

Song of the day:

You Are Not A Robot by Hoodie Allen (LISTEN TO IT!)

Break Free, and Grow Up. For Once.

Last night was the most eventful night of my college career. No specifics. It was definitely a new experience. I felt, like i was the old me again. Upbeat, outgoing, not caring what others thought of me, talking to everyone, and of course being the flirtatious monster that i used to be. Gosh i missed being like that. Ah, what a rush.

These dreams are getting out of hand. I'm falling in love with a girl that potentially doesn't exist. And the more i think about it, the more she really does look like Michelle Monaghan. It's scary. Yet so addicting. I want it. I want that feeling again. Something tells me it gets better. The feeling that is. I'm slowly picking up the pieces.

Coming to Missouri State has been such a great decision. I really hoped that this wouldn't end up being something i regret like other people have done when they choose a college. This is a place that i actually like being. I love every bit of it here. And it's funny, because i talk to my other friends at other colleges, and i hear their stories. I realize that i'm lucky, and this isn't the "norm". I came to a place i absolutely love, and i can't even count how many great friends i've made here. Even aside from my brothers, i have met and made so many friends. Crazy part, i didn't go to high school with them. You have to break away, because after a point you realize that the thinking of a person in high school and a person in college is completely different. Some people like to deny this, and keep thinking like they are in high school. But be real with yourself. We have different priorities, different obligations, different views. We're actually working towards our lives. The minute you graduate, the way you think completely changes. The further you get into college, the more it sinks in. What i've noticed is that the closer you are to home, the more likely it is that you deny this and stay attached. Hell i was three hours away and i was attached. Moving on with your life is the only way you can be truly successful in college. And by successful i mean actually growing. Also joining Pi Kappa Phi has been an absolute thrill. I bring this up now because Pi Kapp is really one of the biggest things that has made me grow up and take responsibility for myself. It's made me be someone i'm not ashamed to be. I really can't tell you where i'd be without the fraternity. I can't imagine it.

Remember who you were, and who you are. Your past never leaves you, but you have to leave your past. We're all growing up, and so are our minds. It's just not possible. I'm turning 19 in a week. This time next year i'll be turning 20 in a week. 20. TWENTY. I'll be in my twenties in one year and one week. Break free now, or you're going to regret it.

I'm going to watch the super bowl tomorrow. Sole reason, new Transformers: Dark of the Moon trailer will be playing during it. Win.

Song of the day:

A Little Piece of Heaven by Avenged Sevenfold

They Named Her Miss Perfect

I seem to be sleeping more lately. It's really not even sleeping. I like to close my eyes, because when i do, i see this girl. It's a girl i haven't met yet, but someone i really hope i do meet. I have dreams with her in them. And in those dreams, i'm absolutely happy. A happy that i've never been before. It's really weird, because usually when i used to have dreams like this, i couldn't see who the girl was. But in these dreams, i see her clearly. I can hear her, touch her, even smell her. She looks exactly like Michelle Monaghan, except obviously a bit younger. I've hit that point. My dreams beat reality. I want to live in my dreams, because that is where everything that i want is. Everything.

The day from hell is finally over. Three classes, three tests. Oh lawd. I'm so glad it's done and over with. It started to snow again today, but just a nice dusting. Nothing too major. Finally time to let off some steam, after pre-initiation tonight of course.

I still don't know what i want for my birthday. I kind of want a professional camera, like a Canon Rebel or something. But they're so expensive! So i looked into some professional point and shoot cameras (i know they technically don't exist, but that's the best way i can describe it). They're the type where they are fully digital, and without interchangeable lenses, but they still have incredible zoom. They are still a bit pricey, but a lot cheaper than a full our professional SLR camera. So, we'll see what i actually decide on getting.

This is what everyone needs to do, take out some ME time in your day and just CHILL! Everyone's so hyped up on stress and worrying about others and their friendships and relationships and everything! I know, i'm one to talk. But taking out some time for yourself to look back on your life so far really helps. Especially with reality checks. So take some time out of your ever so busy lives, and calm down. If you haven't figured it out yet, life is a complete cycle that is on repeat. There's nothing you can do to alter it. SO live it, love it, and LAUGH.

Song of the day:

Hymn Of The Missing by RED

Trust of Gold

Well here we are. I survived the snowpocalypse, and will probably be going to classes tomorrow :(. I need another day! They need to just cancel it and start fresh next week.

I took a shower for the first time since monday today. Everyone always says that's gross, but honestly, during the winter you really don't start to smell until a week or two. And it wasn't like i was going to be seeing any new people. The only people i saw were the ones that live in my dorm and my brothers. And maybe a few random other friends. So there really was no point in taking a shower.

We got a total of 10-11 inches of snow. HELL YEAH!

I have three tests tomorrow that i'm totally not looking forward to. Hence why i'm praying for another snow day. But, tomorrow night it is time to let loose yet again and have no worries. YES!

I got the new RED album. OH MY LANTA i love it! I definitely needed some new RED in my life right now.

I'm talking to some old friends more now. It's weird, but i'm not complaining. I'm keeping my distance though. Just in case.

Song of the day:

Not Alone by RED

No Titles On Mobile Blogs?!

Snow day number three tomorrow! I watched so many movies today. That's all my day consisted of. Tomorrow shall be study central for my three classes on Friday! Short post, mainly to test out this mobile posting dealio. Real blog update soon!

The Day After Tomorrow.

Note: cliche title intended.

SO. The weather people didn't lie. Springfield got HAMMERED by snow. I think we're up to 11 inches now. yeah. Tommy and I went to the PSU, and after ten minutes our footprints were completely covered again. No classes again tomorrow, so it is shenanigans galore!

Today, we had a MASSIVE snowball fight. but as we were all leaving Wells for it, we saw a girl trying to dig her car out in the parking lot so she could leave. We all decided to go and help her out. Not two minutes after we got there, the other half of our group came running yelling "Reinforcements have arrived!" We got her out, and proceeded to our planned snowball fight. After awhile, they decided to all go to the stadium and a bunch of my Pi Kapp brothers came out and we played tackle football. It was AWESOME! And then one of the guys had to get his car dug out so he could go home, change and clean up, and come back here to chill with us. So we got him out. Right when we were done with him and were going to go inside to warm up, a random guy was digging his car out. So we decided to help him too. After that we all went to our respective rooms and warmed up. A little while later, i got a call from one of my brothers (the one we dug out) and he made it back on campus, but he got out of his car to go around back and get something but the wind closed his door. It locked and his spare was at his parents house (who live in springfield also). So seeing that i have a beastly JEEP, i took him there. Driving in the blizzard was AWESOME! My jeep is amazing. I love my baby so much. It really is a trooper. On our way back onto campus, we saw two chinese guys that were stuck, so we got out and helped them too. So I helped a total of 4 people get unstuck. 3 of which that were complete strangers. WIN.

Talking to you everyday is starting to become a routine. Um. Yeah. I guess the thing that really freaks me out is the timing. This truly feels like a cycle. Mr Rose, you were right. History repeats itself. Is my history repeating itself? Yes and no. We're talking everyday, but it's not that kind of talking. It's nice. Just, odd.

And when you told me you were proud of me, i couldn't help but lose it. No one ever says that to me. I can only think of maybe two or three people that have ever said that to me in my whole life. Said it and MEANT it. Did you really mean it? I think so, but regardless, it hit home. It's that appreciation that i always have wanted. From my parents, from my sister, from rachel. But i've never gotten it. Thank you.

In the past couple of days, a lot of people have been telling me how happy they are to have me in their lives. And it's funny, because if it wasn't for you guys, i know i wouldn't be alive right now. I'm going to leave that at that.

Today's song of the day is quite interesting. I really want you all to look it up on youtube or wherever and listen to it. And really listen to it. It's a good one.

Song of the day:

Yours to Hold by Skillet