Still Winning, kind of

I've had a lot of different emotions going through me these past few days. After seeing some people for the first time in god knows how long, to talking to some in a long time. A lot is going through my head. Good and bad. I'm not going to elaborate on it too much right now, because i'm still trying to sort it out. But once i do, i'm definitely going to come back here and put it down.

I got me a new cellular device! And it was FREE! I originally got it from the AT&T store, and then the next day my dad saw that it was free at best buy, so we returned it to AT&T, went across the street to best buy, and ordered it from there. Since it was free there, they've been sold out since Sunday. Funny how employee's that aren't on commission tend to actually give you HELP rather than just sell the product (AT&T!). The folks at best buy were really helpful with everything and made sure everything got squared away. I ordered the phone on Wednesday, and guess what came in the mail the very next day?! YEAH! My phone came, along with Lady Gaga's new album, "Born This Way", FOR FREE! Um, SCORE! Anywho, i'm still waiting for my case for my phone to get here. Got it off of Amazon for about 25 bucks. It's an Otterbox so i knew it would be somewhat pricey. But even so, it was cheaper than expected. I did not get the defender case though (the big ones that are practically indestructable) mainly because the HTC Inspire is a large phone as it is, and i didn't want to add a bulky case to it. So i went for the Commuter line, which still protects the phone with two layers, but is dramatically slimmer. They also provide a screen protector that you have to apply, so if anyone is good at doing that, text me :) I always seem to get air bubbles when i do it.

The phone itself, well, not gonna lie, i don't miss the iphone at all. Yes, it is dramatically faster than MY iPhone, but it is also faster than the iPhone 4! I love the size of the screen, and i also love everything that you can do with android! Now i feel like Apple just screws you over by trying to restrain you from EVERYTHING and false advertising their "apps". The market quickly shifted to where people are making apps for android before they make them for apple, merely because of the ease of use. Customization seems to be endless with android. You can definitely make it your own phone. One thing it does lack however is a front facing camera. But i'll sacrifice that for the 8 megapixel HD camera that it does have. :D Back to the apps thing, Apple really does steal your money when it comes to these things! I was scared that android wouldn't have some of the apps that i used. Not only do they have them, but they're FREE! Another thing i'm really liking is all of the "air syncing" that comes with these androids. I never have to plug my phone in to a computer for it to back up my data or update. I can do it all over the air. I am VERY happy with my choice of saving 200 bucks and going Android instead of sticking with Apple. As much as i loved my iPhone (and i still do), this HTC has really won me over.

Anywho, that's about it for now.

Song of the day:

You and I by Lady Gaga

Swimming Along

I've been thinking about a lot lately. You know, the usual. Girls, school, life.


I like her, a lot. But after what i went through with Rachel i'm finding it unbelievably hard to trust her. I don't know why. Hopefully this phase passes and we can get on with our lives. Because i know i could be happy with her. I just have to let myself get there.

I went by the football field the other night. It was really nice. Such a peaceful place. Haley came by for a bit to give me some company. Pretty sure she likes me again. Oh lord.

A promise is a promise. You know that.

Song of the day:

Against the Current by Mree

Reflecting Truth.

It will be a year tomorrow from when I graduated high school. I can't even begin to tell you how different of a person i am now compared to then. I can't even tell you how different all of my friends are compared to then, in good and bad changes. It's weird, looking back at that. When we all graduated we were all on the top of the world, with all these big dreams and hopes. We all took pride in the colleges we were heading off to. Don't get me wrong, i still take great pride in MSU, but the dreams and hopes part kind of fits.

It's nice to look back and remember all of the people that would promise you that you would stay in touch, and now look at the ones that actually did. We all have grown up so much, yet, we have so much more growing up to do. Soon enough, we'll be graduating from college as well, and starting yet another chapter in life. Scary, huh?

It's weird to think about this time last year. Yeah, i graduated. But i also had Rachel. I've just been thinking about that. I don't miss her, but i miss the concept of her. I miss having someone there for me all the time. I still remember how there were so many graduation parties last year to go to, and i didn't want to go out and get a gift for every last one of them. So Rachel would just go get a card for them and sign my name in it. I miss that kind of stuff. Being able to have someone that you share everything with. A person that took care of me. Because as much as i hate to admit it, she did take good care of me. But i mean, so did Micaela. So i've never really been in a situation where my girl didn't take care of me. But i miss having girls like that in my life. Yeah i have them as friends. But nothing more than that. I want someone that can take care of me, and someone i can trust with anything and everything. Right now, i don't have a person that fits both.

It has only been a week of summer.........good lord.

62 more days until summer meeting.

Song of the day:

It's Raining Again by Skylar Grey

First Page of Our Story

First post of the summer. Damn, i miss springfield and everything that's there. I miss my friends so much, i miss my brothers, i miss being able to just walk anywhere and finding someone to hang out with. I miss it all.

I went to my sister's graduation this past weekend. The best part of it: seeing my parents the happiest they've ever been. It made me think if they were ever going to feel that way about me. If i would ever make them happy.

With her graduation and seeing how shitty my GPA was this past semester, i've realized i need to focus. I need to give it my all. Because my whole life, i haven't been giving it my all. I'm going to be better. I have to. I can't handle the situation i'm in right now again. I'll be okay, i know i will. But there's just too much up to chance right now. Way too much.

I honestly just want to spend all of my money right now. That's the type of mood i'm in. Mainly on these new shoes i found. They're from a brand called Sanuk. They make nothing but sandals. The "shoes" they make are essentially sandals, just modified. Apparently they are hella comfy. Any who, i'm thinking about getting a pair. I also have to get new tires on my jeep, and i've been thinking about finally getting it lifted about 2 inches. We'll see if i actually do it or not.

My new obsession is Skylar Grey. I discovered that she's the one that wrote a lot of the "popular" songs right now. Like "Love the way you lie" was written by her, and she originally sang it. Not gonna lie, she brings a whole new light to that song. Rihanna sucks in my opinion. Especially her new crap. She also wrote a lot of other songs for other artists. She's truly talented. Just a little random thought.

Song of the day:

Love the Way You Lie by Skylar Grey (youtube it)

Maybe Soon, We Can Fly.

There's just something about finals week that makes you think about everything. I'm really far behind on my studying, but you know what, I can spare a few minutes to put in a blog really quick.

Like I said earlier, it's finals week. Needless to say, i'm stressing hard. Since i dropped down to 12 credit hours this semester, one slip up in a class tanks my GPA. Which i can't afford. So basically i have to rock all of these finals and pray to the lord of everything that i come away with at least a 2.75.

I keep feeling a sense of loneliness lately. Even though i'm always surrounded by everyone. I feel lost a lot. I want to go pre-law, but lets face it. I don't think i'm cut out for law school. I honestly don't think i'm smart enough to do it. Who knows. I'm just kind of trying to get by for now.

Being home for the summer should be really interesting. I'm not exactly sure how i'm going to deal with it. Needless to say, i'm going to be making a couple of trips back down here. Yup, definitely.

There is so much on my plate right now. I just don't know if I can actually handle it or not. I'm really not sure. And you know what? It scares the hell out of me. You were my rock, everything i ever did, i did for you. And for the past however many months, I've had to do it for me. And it's been awesome. But every now and then, i keep getting lost. Lost in my own thoughts and self doubts. It just seemed so much easier when I did it for you.

Maybe my parents will finally be happy and proud of me after I tell them about going pre-law.

You can always talk to me. I'll always be here for you to fall back on. You don't have to take care of yourself all the time. That's what i'm here for. And like i said, it means the world to me that you do actually check up on me and make sure everything is okay. Everything will work itself out.

Song of the day:

Boadicea by Enya

Forgetting 22 days.

I hate this. You know why? Because I've started thinking about you again. And I shouldn't. You don't deserve my thoughts. Not one bit. But you're getting them. Mainly because it's May. This time last year I was SO happy. Not saying i'm not happy now, but I was happy for different reasons. Funny how things change in a year. You've taught me a lot though. How trust is something that you have to have. And how easily it can be lost, yet so hard to gain. Life goes on, and in 10 days, it'll be your birthday. How weird is that? Remember your last birthday party? I do. Do you remember anything? Because I can honestly say I remember all of it. A part of me hates it, because it makes me relive it. You weren't a mistake. And I don't regret it one bit. Even after everything i've gone through after you, i still don't regret it and I don't see you as a mistake. I know you probably see me as a mistake and regret me, because apparently you and your friends think i'm a crazy drunk, but that's okay. You can think all you want. You screwed me up girl. You really did. But i'm somewhat okay now. I'd like to think i'm a little stronger. You made me cherish trust, and I make everyone earn it now. I've been thinking about you almost everyday lately. Just thought you should know.

And you, I can tell you're happy with him. I really can. And you don't even know how happy that makes me. You know I have trouble trusting people. I still don't trust him, but I see how happy he makes you, and for now, that's good enough for me. You're a big girl now and you can take care of yourself. To tell you the truth, the way you checked up on me awhile ago really made my heart melt. I know you care about me, and I care about you too. So if things go wrong, you know i'll always be here. It sucks that we can't talk as much as we did, but if it means you're happy, i'll take it. Doesn't mean i'm out of your life.

Song of the day:

Again by Natasha Bedingfield and Bruno Mars (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XfZmVg4F514)