On Cloud Nine

Greek Week is over. And I survived. Barely.

This weekend has been something else. To be honest, this whole past week has been something else. Weeks/weekends like these make me never want to go home. As stressful and hellish Greek Week was, spending all of that time with my brothers and other greeks was a pure blast. I got so much closer to people and got to get so many more friends. And also, i've gotten the opportunity to get close to one person in particular.

I'm pretty sure i effed up my back via Greek Jam. It's okay though, i'm sure i'll get better eventually.

I realized how much more i like my friends here and how much more friends in college just mean more to you than they ever did in high school. High school was just too drama oriented. To be honest, some of the people that still haven't grown up have the same issues in college. I walked into a full house Saturday and the whole place ERUPTED. That's the feeling that i love. Walking into a place and everyone is excited to see you. Hell, it even happens just walking around campus.

Mista and i have gotten to know each other very well as of late. The more we talk, the more we realize that we are basically the same person. We have the same personality, same outlook on life, everything. We even share the same weird/non-traditional vocabulary. She truly is amazing. Things are going okay on that front for now. We're gonna go get some Cold Stone tonight :)

Life is good. Everything happens for a reason. This was my reason. I am SO much happier two months into this semester than i was two months into last semester. Breaking away was good for me. Experiencing what i'm capable of and finding out who i am has been such a great journey. And it has just begun!

Song of the day:

No Sleep by Wiz Khalifa

They Said The Sky Would Fall.

I haven't posted in awhile. There are reasons for that. I've been so busy this week. Food and sleep have become an option. But there is one thing that keeps me going. Gosh, there is so much to be said.

Greek Week 2011. This will be the death of me. When it is over, i will not regret it one bit. I will not miss it at all. I did, however meet some fantastic girls. Girls that definitely are good at heart. They have good intentions. Those Xi Om's are one of a kind. People make fun of them because they aren't a "real" sorority, but you know what, they put in more effort and spirit than most "real" sororities. I respect that. And being paired with them has been one of the best experiences i've yet to have. They really taught me how to have fun, and to not care so much what others think.

Although Greek Week has been hell so far, it has been worth it. I got to experience my first ever paint war. Planning that and putting it together was a pain, but being able to just go outside, run around and throw paint at each other was such a blast. Who knew that you could have so much fun by just throwing paint at one another. I went to an exchange with the Xi Om's and needless to say, that was an interesting night. I'm not saying anything about that.

She's got me wrapped around her finger. And to be honest, i love it. She's giving me the chase of a lifetime. I'm always up for a challenge. She makes me all giddy like i've never been. She lets me be me. I can be random, and weird, and straight up strange. And she's okay with it. We have so much in common. Plus she's the most adorable thing i've ever seen. GAH. I know she doesn't see me the same way, but it's so hard not to be attracted to her. She's everything i want in a girl. EVERYTHING. When i'm with her, i feel like i'm on cloud nine. And maybe for now, that's good enough. Maybe i don't HAVE to be "with her" to feel this. Because i feel it right now and i'm not "with her". She's a good girl. I think that's exactly what i need. Seeing her just makes my day. Everything happens for a reason. I'm really hoping she's the reason :)

Yellowcard's new album is out. I had to go frolic outside in celebration. It is AMAZING. I love them so much. And what a fitting title. "When You're Through Thinking, Say Yes."

This isn't even everything that is going on. I just don't feel like typing it all out right now. So stay tuned.

Song of the day:

Sing for Me by Yellowcard

Shooting Stars

It is currently 5 a.m. and needless to say i had one of the best nights ever! And i was sober for all of it.

Speaking of sobriety, apparently a bunch of the KIDDOS think that i'm a hardcore partier and alcoholic. Point A, it doesn't concern you at all. Point B, who are you getting these facts from?! Last time i checked i only went out once or twice a month TOPS. Maybe i'm just CRAZY.

Any who, i went to dinner for Matt's 21st birthday and then just went to the house and chilled out because i'm too young to do anything else. Becca was with me. And we just stayed at the house and chilled out, talking to everyone and having Xi Om's over for a good 5-6 hours. Becca Bock, spent 5-6 hours in the Pi Kapp house, and enjoyed every minute of it. Go figure. For real though, she actually loves coming over there and just hanging out with all the guys. It truly was a lot of fun.

This week has sucked. I don't imagine next week being any better. But hey, that's life. You live it, you get over it. Shit happens. But for now, i need some sleep. Pronto.

Song of the day:

All of the Lights by Kanye West feat. Rihanna

Welp.

My grandpa died last night.

You know that all time high I was on, yeah, well needless to say I'm not anymore.

It's been a long time comin', but after so long, it's back. Welcome home, little monster, welcome fucking home.

Hugs On A Thursday.

Thursday. I made it to this day. Summer break is going to absolutely suck. I hate being here. It's not really the physical place of home. Just the people. Maybe i'm wrong. Maybe for summer everyone else will be home too so it'll be okay.

I miss my brothers, my friends, my family back in Springfield. You know you picked the right college when you can't even be away from it for a week!

Going up to the school today was, eh. I saw Anderson and Hub, which was amazing. No matter how much time has passed, those two will always be the first ones i go and see. And then i saw Mic.

I missed you so much. I really did. Seeing you with a smile on your face, because of me, was amazing. And to think the last time that truly happened was a year ago. And then you hugged me. Something i missed even more. Let's face it, we are awesome huggers. There was so much i wanted to tell you. But for some reason when i saw you none of it really came to mind. But it's okay. Because i'll end up telling you at some point. Is it bad that seeing you affected me more than when i saw Rachel later on? Seeing her was just seeing another face. Funny how that happened. I'm glad it did though. Gosh, i still can't get over the fact that i FINALLY got to see you.

Seeing you was probably the highlight of being home. As lame as that sounds.

I really want to go on a date with Mista. Let's see if i have the balls to make it happen. :/

Song of the day:

Words I Never Said by Lupe Fiasco ft. Skylar Grey

Home.

They were all right, you know. We all moved on with our lives. What everyone said about us, well, it's true. We all got through one semester staying together, but now look at us. We're all separated. But this is reality. We grew up.

I've been thinking about this for a bit now. I've been wondering if i want to go to the high school this week. And the answer is, no. I really don't. Mainly because i'm out of that stage now. Like i said, i grew up. Missouri State is my home now. Every time i come back here, i can't wait to leave again. I out grew this town, this place. Everything. This isn't where i want to be anymore.

And it is sad. But we all go through it. We all go to our own worlds where we live our own lives. We meet new people to fill those worlds. And soon enough, that's all you know. Now i'm not saying that i've completely dropped or lost contact with all of my old friends. No, i still talk to a few. But that's just it. A few. I remember this time last year making promises with everyone saying we would always stay in touch, no matter what. It obviously didn't happen.

I guess it's kind of bitter sweet. I lost a lot. But i gained more. College and high school are totally different worlds. Two worlds that will forever be separated. And the sooner i can get back to my home, the better. I don't belong here anymore. I truly don't.

Song of the day:

300 Violin Orchestra by Jorge Quintero

GAH!

My brain is ready to explode.

This stress and studying is taking its toll.

I hate the fact that i can't find time to talk to the people that mean the world to me. I'm so sorry.

I'm going to figure all of this out. I will. Promise.

Song of the day:

The Cave by Mumford & Sons

Indeed.

So i'm sitting here in the library, and instead of studying i took a break to post a blog.

My life is absolutely glorious. I really was missing out on college before! It's really weird, because most of my posts now are really optimistic and happy. It's definitely a change. A change i'm happy i went through.

First shadow tour for UA was a success! Except there was one girl that kept hitting on me. Talk about uncomfortable.

Is it sad that the biggest thing i'm looking forward to for spring break is doing NOTHING and SLEEPING?! But i must say, i love being busy. It really does make me happy.

Remember, a life where you aren't happy is a life you're not living. It is a life you're letting someone else live for you. Be happy. Be who you are. Embrace everything that you are. And people that respect that and accept that will follow. Trust me.

Song of the day:

Power by Kanye West

Hello Paradise

Say hello to the new Resident Assistant for Hutchens House during the 2011-2012 school year! AH!!!! I'm so excited for it! I thought that finding out about RA wouldn't be so exciting because i kind of already knew i got it i just didn't know where, but man, today has been a RUSH! Granted i've been pretty busy all day, but i've already met some new people from the current Hutchens staff, and it's only been one day! I'm pretty excited because Hutchens is one of the nicest dorms on campus. AH!

I joined Pi Kappa Phi fraternity, became a Commerce Bank Emerging Leaders participant, got elected onto the number four position on executive board for Pi Kappa Phi, got selected from 90+ applicants to become a University Ambassador, and finally have been chosen to be an RA in Hutchens. Yup, i'd call that one HELL of a freshman year. Gosh, i cannot believe it. I did it. Everything my heart and mind were set on, i got it. My dreams, my goals. I still can't believe that me of all people, came to this university and made a name for myself. I'm known on a 20,000+ student campus. It feels amazing.

On the flip side, my social life is also flourishing! I don't mean i'm going out all the time or anything. By that i mean i'm meeting so many new people and actually creating a connection between us. For instance, i'm getting so much closer to Shelby now. We've been friends for awhile, but we've actually been talking a lot and even studied together today. It was so much fun hanging out with her and some of my brothers. And the funny thing is, when i'm with her, i don't feel an attraction towards her. I love being her friend. Which is a good thing because she's with one of my brothers. haha. But those are the kind of bonds i want to have with people. I honestly, never want to graduate.

Of course there will always be a love life side. Right now, it's not much. I'm not really focusing on that. I find girls cute, but that's about it. Again, i'm more concerned with creating a solid friendship with them than getting with them for now. There is one girl i have found to be ridiculously cute. Her eyes are just, OH MY GOD! She's a current RA in Hutchens and she found me to congratulate me and welcome me to the staff. And to top it off, she's an ASA :D (Alpha Sigma Alpha).

Midterms are kicking my ass right now. It's so hard to focus on school when all of this is going on. But i really need to buckle down this one week and get through it. I can do it. I know i can. I just have to actually put in the effort.

Thank you, for believing in me. STILL. I know i say this to you in every post. But the more you believe in me and the more you tell me how much you love me, the more i'm believing in myself. Having you supporting me means the world to me. Truly. You told me the other day that you are really glad you got your friend back. I'm glad i came back too. Things weren't the same. I want you to know, that i still, and always will care about you. And i'm going to look out for you. I know we aren't talking as much as the past couple of weeks, but i promise things will slow down and i'll be back. I don't think i could've done all of this if you didn't push me along.

Song of the day:

Blow by Ke$ha (yeah, i just went there)