Rolling On

Yet another quick post.

I've come to realize what all I can actually accomplish if i really try. I'm sitting at a 3.6 GPA for the semester. I can't believe it. My goal was a 3.0. I'm so excited about it.

Elections are getting closer and closer. And i want to be president more than ever now. Things are looking real good for it too. God, i can't wait.

Now that homecomings over, talks about Pi Kapp's new homecoming king candidate for next year have been rising. The name that's being said the most? Yup, mine. Funny thing is, i actually have a really good chance at getting it too.

This is all what i came here for. I wanted to make a name for myself and be known. I wanted to be remembered. I'll be damned if i'm not.

Song of the day:

Marvin Gaye and Chardonnay by Big Sean

Hold it up

I just want to blog this really quick because i'm hella tired from the first night of our haunted house and i just wanted to document this feeling for the future when i'm on my ass.

I live a very blessed life. And i take it for granted SO much. I have anything and everything a college student could ever want. I go to a large university and i am KNOWN. I can get into any club/group/organization/job i want on campus or in this community. This isn't me being cocky or anything. Just appreciating everything i've been given. I'm a student leader, and i have a damn well perfect life. Now that's something i don't ever want to give up or forget.

Song of the day:

Heartbeat by The Fray

Baby, Break Away

Everytime i come i get two thoughts.

1. I need to get away from here for good and never look back.

2. This is where i want to come back to when i get older and raise my kids here.

Now i know that these are polar opposites. But hear me out. Sometimes i just feel like i need to get the hell out of here. I just need to leave this place, realize that there is more to this world and move on with my life. I just want to get away. Not have to ever come back here and see these people ever again. Cause let's face it, if you've ever been to Jefferson county, you'll know exactly what i'm talking about. It is TURRRRABLE.

But then i go out and see people with families that know one another since their childhood. They all came back to raise their kids here and start a family here. I would get to be with my friends again. Our kids would grow up together knowing each other, being kind of like a family. I'd be in the town i basically grew up in too. These are the thoughts that run through my head. As much as i hate being from Jeffco, i've come to realize that your town shapes who you are. It's where you come from. It's where you go, and it's the place that will forever be with you.

In other news, spring break = trip to Boston? Perhaps! :D

Song of the day:

No Harm by The Boxer Rebellion

Here's The Thing

I'm not exactly sure what to write about. I guess for so long i would blog all the time so i would always have a new story to tell or something to progress on. Now, i blog once or twice a month and i just don't know what i should say.

This is all my fault. I don't take time out of my day to just sit down and write like i used to. I guess that's something i can write about; change. Granted that is something that i write about all the flippin' time, it's something that has been on my mind lately.

I saw someone's status not too long ago that said something like, "Seeing people change isn't what hurts, it's remembering who they used to be that does." I could careless how this relates to people in my life. The first thing that i thought about was how this statement exemplifies me and my life. If i was on the outside looking in, would i hurt just by remembering what i used to be? Do i hurt, just being me, remembering what i used to be?

I'm not sure at all on how i would answer those questions if i had to answer them. I guess the only reason i don't have to answer them is because i'm scared to know how i would answer. Let's be honest here, everyone loves change. It's not until change happens that we begin to think about the past and start to hate change. Since it's me, i obviously think i changed for the better. Did i? What if it's all a matter of perspective, but it's only my perspective that's wrong.

I wonder if anyone even reads this stupid thing anymore. What am i thinking. I never had "writing ability." Just people being nice. Time to face the truth. It is what it is.

Going home for fall break. Probably gonna go to the homecoming game. Anyone gonna be there? Figured. Not likely.

Song of the day:

Asleep by Emily Browning

Burned Out

I do too much. I've come to this conclusion. All on my lonesome. I just do way too much. And there's nothing that i can do about it. Because it is who i am.

I can't keep this up very much longer. It's starting to catch up to me. Getting involved is what i do best. It's the only thing i know how to do, and quite frankly, it's the only thing i'm good at. But i can't keep doing this to myself. I'm drained all the time. Is it worth it? Hell yeah. But it's still too much.

And even with this realization, i've got big plans. I'm almost sure i'll be running for president of Pi Kappa Phi, which is a HUGE deal. That would be my biggest feat in my life. I'm also going out for SOAR which is the summer orientation dealio. I just got accepted into and have already started the Distinction in Public Affairs program. And i am in the process of applying for Greek Week committee for this spring. Yup, i get way too involved, but this is only the beginning. I'm only a sophomore. Can i really keep this up?

I'm only a sophomore. I'm only a sophomore. I'm only a sophomore. I keep saying this, and it sinks in more and more. I'm so young. And i have such high hopes. This can't keep happening.

Song of the day:

Souvenirs by Switchfoot

For the Record

It took me quite a bit of time to figure out where i wanted to sit in order to write this blog. Yeah, i'm that flustered.

It's been a rough weekend and day so far. I'm just, tired. Physically, mentally, and metaphorically. I have no motivation to do anything.

I started thinking a lot about my life, mainly the getting involved aspect. All i could think about was all of it being a waste. Let's face it, i'm only doing all of this to make a name for myself. To leave something behind greater than myself. To be somebody. But what if it's all just a big hyped dream. What if this is getting me no where. Because to be honest, i feel that way a lot.

I'm scared that my goals just won't be achieved. I know so many people, and even more know me. But it's just not enough. I want more. I want it all. I want to be able to look myself in the eye and know, that i am everything that i ever imagined myself being.

My plans seem to be impossible. I don't see them happening, at all. I can see my career plans happening, but not my personal plans.

Being an RA is one of the best things that has ever happened to me. But at the same time, it's holding me back from everything i want to be. And i know, as long as i'm an RA, i will never be able to accomplish the things i want to, and need to.

Lauren is absolutely just, GAH. I'm not falling for her head over heels. Which is a good thing since i tend to do that. But i still have feelings for her. I'm attracted to her. And she's just what i need right now. But she's being so damn difficult. Can you blame her though?

Watching Mike lavaliere Sam tonight just made me break down inside. The amount of love those two have for one another is just astounding.I want something like that. I want to love a girl so much that i am giving her my letters. As stupid as it may sound, that's a huge deal. I want to meet the girl that will make me want to change. The girl that will make me want to stick around for her. The girl that will make me want to be everything that i want to be.

If you couldn't tell, an attack is coming on. I'd say by Wednesday or Thursday (at the very latest) it will be in full swing. Gotta love it. Here's to preparation for a week or two from hell.

Song of the day:

Stereo Hearts by Gym Class Heroes

Guess

Who just applied for a distinction in public affairs?! This guy! What the hell am i doing?!?!

I keep doing all this stuff, and i have no idea why. I just am. There's no rhyme or reason behind it. But hey, i guess it'll be beneficial?

My life choices are beyond questionable at this point.

I keep doing things that i know i shouldn't, yet it's what makes me happy. Is that too much to ask for? Like for real? Is a job really that important to where you shouldn't do what makes you happy instead? Maybe i did sign my soul away.

What am i doing with my life. FUCK.

Song of the day:

Los Federales by Signal Hill